Two Days Late -- Me

As I talk about me, perhaps you will understand why Friday's post is 2 days late.  Mid last week, my body decided to revolt.  Though the source is not exactly clear, it has manifest itself in several ways that  have distracted and slowed down my pace.  Now let me guess what you are thinking.  "Oh no do you have the Corona Virus!!!????"  RIGHT!!!!

This would be a good place to tell you something that if you don't already know it, might be helpful to know.  I am a long time hypochondriac who has symptoms of whatever I have most recently learned about.  When I was in grade school, I overheard my mom tell my dad about a friend's husband who had been bitten by a black widow spider and was now paralyzed.  Within 24 hours I went crying to my mom, pointing to a freckle, convinced I had been bitten by a black widow spider and was about to die.  My mom assured me I had not been bit by a black widow spider. This phenomena has followed me throughout my life.  I have been to the doctor multiple times convinced I have various ailments- pneumonia, pink eye, strep and yes even a heart attack, simply to be told I am  fine.  The false heart attack took two years to pay off. Therefore, I  have leaned not every symptom of mine points to a medical emergency.

So to answer your question, no I have not been to any medical facility nor have I been tested for COVID 19. This is not to say I was not awake in the middle of Wednesday night preparing text for people to take care of my family as I was struggling with my breathing.  Nor will I deny that Friday night I told Peter if I came to him holding my throat and passed out, he was to call 911.  About every other hour I feel physical pains that have me considering options and trying to figure out what is wrong.  And yes I consulted Mr Googlelies (Thanks Pluto Living for that new phrase) and have narrowed down my problems to about 7 different causes ranging from psychological to life threatening.  

You probably have some questions and concerns so here are a few more important things I will tell you.  First God and I had a talk Thursday morning.  I was wrestling with fear verses sound mind.  The bible says in James if we lack wisdom we are to ask him and he will give it.  Because I know me and my hypochondriac history, I told God he was going to have to be VERY clear if I was sick and needed to stay home or go get a COVID test. I told him I needed a fever to confirm if this was a contagious ailment and if I didn't have a fever I would go to work.  My school checks everyone's temperature at the door and I was normal as normal gets, temperature wise that is, both Thursday and Friday.  And I have not had a fever this weekend. 

Another thing to know is that I have embarked on a 350 miles in 16 weeks virtual run this summer.  For the first 9 days I was running 3-4 miles daily at an intense (for me) pace.  I found it mentally therapeutic in light of concerns for Mom and Peter.  I understand that though the running paired with Christian music in my ears is mentally clarifying, it also could have been an intense shock to my body.  My body might just be rebelling against what it considers abuse.

Something I learned from Mr. Googlelies is that the symptoms of allergic reactions, including anaphylactic shock, are very similar to the symptoms of stress.  I do have allergy issues and well life of late has felt stressful.  My first real symptomatic night was following the Tuesday that I was dealing with a doctor with whom I was at odds, in the midst of Peter calling and sharing his stress of a broken down, expensively repaired car.  Stress and Allergies are real possibilities.

Here is the good news.  First of all Jesus.  He is always the GOOD NEWS .  He is good when I don't feel good nor life feels good.  Second, it just so happens Tomorrow I have labs and gynecological check up followed by a General Physical next Monday.  If something significant is going on I will be seeing doctors soon.

What frustrates me is that I have had to put the running on hold for a few days.  It also frustrates me that I am not sure what is real.  My imagination is great for being a preschool teacher but sometimes it makes day to day living a challenge.  

More good news in this?  God doesn't waste anything.  He is challenging me about some things in the midst of it.  It is forcing me to lay aside the to do list and engage in a little more rest.  It is challenging me to know that he can take care of other people without me.  It is leading me on my continued journey to deal with "responsibility issues."  

You may not need all this info.  I may regret sharing all this info.  But there it is and thank you.  Your support, care and words have been much encouragement to me.