Chronicles of a Hypochondriac

You may have laughed at my references to my plight as a hypochondriac.  But honestly it is exhausting.  I have not researched it nor have I analyzed my own condition too deeply but I guess that it is really about fear.  When something doesn't seem right physically I begin to think of what it will cost financially or how I will be unable to take care of myself or others. And what usually drives me to google for research or a medical facility is the fear of what suffering it will cause me and others if I don't do something.  It's crazy yet not easy to just snap out of.  I live in a tug of war of trust and fear when it comes to my physical health. 

According to my doctor at the annual physical last week, I am in really good health.  Other than a slightly elevated blood pressure which seemed reasonable with the stress of late, my doctor declared that the stats show I am really healthy.  Yet none the less, it is a week later and I have battled with several incidents of fear that something is wrong and I am irresponsible and negligent not to do something.  I will say it again, it is exhausting.  Add to that living in a Pandemic, it is wearing to say the least.   I  don't watch a lot of the news.  It is not because I do not care nor want to live informed but too much disease and disaster can render me unable to function

With this information imagine my anxiety when a higher than normal curb in Franklin Tennessee sends me flying across the sidewalk and landing smack on my right knee.  My first thought was that I had damaged my driving knee and how was I going to get home to Gainesville 4 hours away.  Then I was thinking what if I can't work at the preschool because I am on crutches.  This was quickly followed by the thoughts that I had invested money in virtual runs and I am not going to complete my mileage!!!  Fortunately although these were the thoughts in my head, I managed to call out to my friend across the street to come help me investigate the damage.  When Dora reached me and I told her I fell on my leg she looked at my protruding  ankle and said "oh no did you hurt your ankle?"  That made me laugh because the protruding ankle is just how God made me yet people often ask if I broke it.  I had some scrapes and my knee was screaming but I was able to stand up.  Long story not quite so long, I got to my car where that little first aid kit in the glove box came in handy.  I patched up my knee and thanks to a kind deli waitress, iced my swollen knee while eating lunch.  We didn't let my bummed knee dampen our visit but it did make me a little more sedentary in my approach to the weekend.

My knee is still sore, swollen, and working on a new color palette but I was able to drive home with no issues and worked today with little discomfort or complications.  I did consult a friend with a medical background and I am taking precautions as well as have plans if healing does not seem to be progressing.    I am grateful that the moment that seemed like it might be life altering, has had less of an impact than I imagined at the time.  As I have reflected, I have been so grateful for  a variety of things.  First of all I am grateful for that iced coffee I was carrying.  If I had not been working so hard to keep from spilling it on my white shirt, I may have tried to break my fall with my hands and broken bone in my hand or arm.  That certainly would have been costly and a challenge to getting home.  By the way I didn't get a drop of coffee on my white shirt. I am also grateful to the kind Air B&B hostess who kept me supplied with ice bags and Ibuprofen.  Because I couldn't venture out on a long run while Dora was at the wedding, I read a book and hung out on the porch at the Air B&B.  Rest is a good thing.

Today I am thinking  this knee injury may not be the crisis I thought it was when it happened Saturday.  That is good because I am well occupied with that tickle in my throat and that slight cough I had earlier.