Stepping Up

My mom and dad left yesterday for a three week excursion to Hawaii.  I am very happy to see them take this trip because they work hard and take care of a lot of people, including me.  However when I realized that they were going to be gone for Easter, I became anxious. I asked my mother who was going to put the chocolate Easter bunny behind the bedroom doors.  She said "the Easter Bunny."  I said "no really."  I also asked who is going to make Easter lunch.  I cannot remember her exact words but her response was something to the effect that maybe it was time for me to "step up."  

It's not like I have never been the grown up before.  I am a parent.   I don't feel like a very good one but I am a parent none the less.  And this is not the first time I have cared for my brother in their absence   However there is something about knowing I can go home to mom and dad, especially on a holiday.  I count on mom to make the holiday's special. If the holiday is going to be planned and organized this year, it looks like it is up to me.  At first I was going with the "skipping Easter rituals" plan. I was thinking we would be "spiritual" about Easter and skip the traditions.  However sometime late this week I decided that I needed to indeed "step up" and make some kind of plan.

First of all, the boys (Peter and Larry) will  go to the Easter Service at my church.  Then  I invited a friend whose parents had recently moved, to come over for the afternoon.  We are going to "craft" and I will prepare some type of Easter meal.  Dinner is less than 12 hours away and I can't say that I am sure what that meal is going to look like.  I have decided not to try to replicate mom's.  That would most likely be disappointing   I am working on a new tradition, however that new tradition is still in the works.  Maybe Taco Bell or Chinese take out??

As you may know, my mother is not the type to leave one hanging.  In fact she is known to go  above and beyond.  Part of my pre-Hawaii "orientation" included mom showing me where the Easter candy and the Easter Bunnies for the doors were.  Thanks mom!!!!

He is Risen, Hallelujah!  Happy Easter!

Wonder Woman

Wonder Woman has misplaced her gold belt and arm bands. She is just not feeling much like a super hero at the moment.  Therefore this past week's blog is late and now very brief. Yep, that pretty much sums it up. She is hopeful that they will be found soon.

Running the Race

Today I ran a 5K.  I have been running off and on for the past four years. Probably a lot more off than on.  Today I was motivated to get a better time than the race I ran two weeks ago. The time from either race will help determine my placement at the Peachtree Road Race in Atlanta on July 4 (that is if chosen in the lottery.)  With 55,000 people running, the slower one's time, the further back in the line up one is and the hotter it will be when you finally do get to go. So as I came across the finish line, I was disappointed to see that I was not going to beat my time.  I saw the time I was trying to beat flash on the screen as I approached the finish. I struggled to keep pushing hard, feeling as if there was no point.   Gasping for breath I went to check the computer for my final time.  What a surprise to see that my time was actually 1 min and 16 seconds faster than the race two weeks ago.  I forgot that the clock was from the start of the gun but that it took awhile before I actually crossed the start line. Wearing a time chip, the computer would base my time from crossing the start line to  then crossing the finish line. What a delight to be way faster than I had imagined and to now have a new 5K time record!  Woo hoo!  

The race I ran today was the Fallen Heroes of GA 5K to honor those who have given their lives for our country in the Middle East conflicts.  This is the third time I have run this race and it is by far my favorite race.  Running somehow seems more purposeful as we honor those and their families who have sacrificed.  Along the first and what becomes the last half mile of the race, are the pictures and names of the fallen soldiers of GA.  Often family members stand by the picture.  It makes the life and death of those who serve very real.  I find it an emotional experience and one in which I always shed tears.  The last half mile involves a steep incline and ends with a triumphant down hill.  Having already run  2.5 miles, tackling that last hill is tough.  I wondered if I could make it.  I decided to focus on the pictures as I climbed the hill.  I looked at the men who didn't quit but gave everything they had.   I would look at the name and say, "Benjamin did it, so can I."  "Lance did it, so can I." At one point I read the sign and said "Jesus did it, so can I." The man's name was likely pronounced Hey-seuss but saying it as I did was meaningful.  I am motivated to persevere because Jesus did. Jesus persevered to the Cross for me. I could persevere in that physical hill as well as the hills that life presents.

One of the things I like about running is what a picture of life it is.  When I am running in a 5K or taking a training run, very little of it is fun or easy.  There are moments that feel good, like when people are cheering me on or I am chatting with a friend.  However I find most of it just hard.  It is just one foot after the other, after the other, after the other . . . .  Some moments I wonder if I can make the distance.  There are times that I am sure I will have to quit.  A lot of the time I keep asking myself, "why am I doing this?"  I  tell you, I do it for the finish line. What a feeling crossing the finish line is.  Once I can breath again, limbs have stretch, and re-hydration has occurred I say, "that wasn't so bad, when can I do it again?" Sometimes life is really hard.  And sometimes life is just so one foot after the other.  But I know someday I will cross the finish line and I am pretty sure that all that was hard will fade in the glory of being with Jesus face to face.

The Snow Globe Phenomenon

Here is another excerpt from my preschooler's "how to" manual,  How to be an Emerging 4 year old.  (see March 2 post)

To maximize your entertainment at preschool, try this.  First of all, never get quiet or listen to your teachers.  Use your outside voice in the classroom and climb on the furniture Then as a group chose a random object and fixate on it when it is presented. For example chose a Christmas snow globe.  For even more effect, chose it in March.  When you see it, beg your teacher to play it.  As the snow swirls and the Christmas carols trill out of it, freeze and go absolutely quiet.  Beside the joy of watching the snow whirl inside the globe, you will get to watch the dumb founded look come across your teacher's face.  She too will freeze in amazement. When the music and whirling stop, go back to the business of being crazy. Throw in a few pleas for the snow globe to be played again.  She will do it because she like the quite and she is hopeful.  When she plays it you again, freeze and utter not a peep.  Her amazement will soon turn to power.  She will start using that snow globe to get you to do things.  She will say things like, "If you all quickly make a circle at the carpet, I will play the snow globe."  She might even say, "The table with the children who are quiet will get to have the snow globe turned on and sat on that table."  She will feel triumphant and think she has found the magic key to ordering chaos. That's when you stop.  Let her play that snow globe and you start arguing about how you can't see it because of someone's head or you try to touch the snow globe hollering "my turn! my turn!"  That is when you get to watch your teacher scramble for a new object to "control" you with.  If you are lucky she might just pull out the Singing Easter Bunny!

How To Be An Emerging Four-Year-Old

In my third year as a teacher of a three-four year old preschool class, I have made some discoveries.  I am seeing patterns in behaviors of emerging four year olds that I do not recall having read about in child development lessons.  If I was to create a manual for "How To Be An Emerging Four-Year-Old," these are points that I would include.

As you embark on turning four, you learn the term "best friends."  As you are learning this, so are your friends.  Conversations frequently revolve around who is your best friend, who is not your best friend, and how you can't be so-and-so's best friend because you are already someone else's best friend.  Along with this discussion comes tears and occasional physical assault. You may mimic your teachers words of "we are all best friends in our class," when it seems to be to your advantage but you don't really believe it.

Along with discovering best friends, almost four-year-olds begin discovering the opposite sex.  During this time if you are a girl, you begin to fight over who is whose boyfriend.  Such words as "I went to so-and-so's house and you didn't," will be tossed out along with a toss of curls.  Downcast looks begin to appear as a favorite boy is playing with one of your female classmates.  As a girl you tend to show more evidence of staking claim, while what begins to emerge in boys is a strange sense of loyalty.   If you are an emerging four-year-old boy you may begin carrying back packs for female friends, being the daddy to their baby dolls and even being lead around by the collar like a puppy. As a little boy you may just as likely hit the object of your affection as well as to hold hands with her.  It is the beginning of a life long roller coaster involving how to relate to females.

Another three year old characteristic is the obsession with pretending to be a dog or a cat. As a three year old you often cannot resist the urge to crawl on the floor and bark or meow. Sometimes this is preferred to walking.  Smart teachers will learn to capitalize on this phenomenon. Sometimes your teacher will let you crawl like a dog to the destination as a quicker mode of transportation than trying to get you to hold the rope and walk in a line. If you are lucky your teacher will host a dog show.   Providing dog tricks you are to complete and rewarding  you with Scooby Snacks has the potential of keeping you from bouncing off the walls for as much as thirty minutes.  If you want another dog show just run around without listening and she will likely conduct an impromptu dog show for the sake of her sanity.

"Little" Sinner

I participate in a weekly women's bible study. We are currently going through a study on parables. This week it is my turn to lead the lesson on the parable of the two debtors from Luke 7:36-50.  In Jesus's application of the parable to the Pharisees and the sinful women, Jesus says, "I tell you her many sins have been forgiven - for she loved much.  But he who has been forgiven little loves little."  As I read it in context with the parable told in verse 41-42, it almost appears to say that the bigger sinner can love more than the lesser sinner.  In my pride I was afraid that my little or lesser sins (as I so defined it : ) made me less able to love Jesus.  Then I recalled the truth that there is no big or little sin.  Sin is sin.   Sinners are sinners.  Romans 3:10-12, 23 reminds us of this truth. "There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God. All have turned away, they have together become worthless, there is no one who does good, not even one." "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."  Perhaps the parable really has to do with the size of our awareness of our sin. The Pharisees's sins were just as great as the "sinful woman" but they just didn't know it.  It is easy to deceive ourselves into thinking that our sin is lesser than someone else for instance say our children.  I have been frustrated with Peter's lack of gratitude.  As I was stewing over it this evening, I saw my own lack of gratitude towards God.  I thank God for the awareness of my sin.  I do believe that as my awareness of my sin and his grace towards me increases, so does my ability to love Him as well as to love my child.

This Week's Covering

I have realized that I tend to live under the belief that if I am not actively doing something, nothing is getting done.  Last weekend, I begged God to show me whatever it was he was trying to show me through the challenges and revelations of the previous week. Since that time in addition to my work and home responsibilities, I spent 14 hours watching a detective show on Netflix, 9 hours reading two silly inspirational romances, and a lot of time consuming chocolate and other sweets.   Not exactly what I define as "actively seeking to know what God is trying to show me."  However as I appeared to be spiritually inactive, God was very active.  In  all those activities God showed me that I was running away and searching all at the same time.  This morning feeling rather defeated,  I crawled humbly to God hoping for "something". In his faithfulness he answered.

One of the scripture references in my morning devotion was Isaiah 30:15 "In repentance and rest in your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength."  This verse prompted a very long journal entry in which I repented my sins and poured out all kinds of thoughts.  God brought to my mind events and resulting thoughts that have shaped behaviors. I also claimed the promises of salvation and wrote out areas in which I was choosing to trust God's word.  Following that I opened the other journal.  This is a little book that I began last year.  I am a fan of Sarah Young's devotional, Jesus Calling and use it as a devotional prompt most mornings. I am often amazed at how personally it speaks to me. However I had a thought last year though  that I didn't want to simply hear from God through his words to another, I wanted to hear from him myself.  I am a bit self centered that way!  So I have this little book that I often pull out when I sense that God is directly speaking to me.  In response to reading and responding with writing in my journal to Isaiah 30:15, this is what I heard.

Acknowledge your sin, your feelings, your twisted thinking and skewed beliefs to me.  Rest, knowing that I have forgiven your sins.  Rest, knowing that I am pleased with you and do not condemn you. Rest, believing that I am working to purify your sins and to heal your brokenness   Rest, believing that that I love you.  Take time to still your mind.  Do not let the voices of failure and abandonment yell at you.  Come away from the noise and trust my truth. Trust that I love you. Trust that I am your defender and your protector.  Trust that I am at work even when you are not doing anything. Trust me to meet your needs. Trust me to fill the empty places.  And in that trust will be your strength to keep going, to  resist temptation and to believe when you cannot see.