Good morning from St. Simons Island.

I just made a discovery. I can create a blog post from my phone. And I can even voice type it. You the reader may regret that I now have so much accessibility. Thanks to kind friends Billy and Melissa, I am at the beach this weekend. While part of the party ran a half marathon yesterday at Jekyll Island,  the other part ran a 5K. Everyone felt like they did really well. Considering I hadn't run in three years I was excited to finish in the top ten of my age category. And yes there were more than ten women in my age category. The weather has been fantastic. The food has been great. The company is some of the best. The vibe laid back (minus the running part.) I am extremely grateful for this weekend.

I came out this morning to the beach. It's a 0.4 mile walk through a mossy lane. The sun rise went ahead without me. It was waiting in beauty when I got there. I brought my beloved quilt that my friend Helen made me. It has become a beach sunrise necessity. Early risers at the house had the coffee ready. And I sit here on the sand in great contentment. As much as I am a mountain girl and love my mountains, there is something very soothing to my soul about the ocean, especially early in the morning..

Ever since I learned the hymn, Oh the Deep Deep Love of Jesus from a BSF hymnal, I find attempting to sing it while looking at the ocean another requirement of a beach visit. My church sings that song but they changed the tune. I haven't gotten over that yet. But that doesn't matter here just me on the beach.

"Oh the deep deep love of Jesus , vast unmeasured, fullness free. Rolling as a mighty ocean, over me." There is something about sitting in front of the ocean and singing those words  that is a balm to my soul. Life is hard. There is so much we don't understand about this world. Yet I believe with all my heart that Jesus loves me. Even when things don't look the way I wish they did. And I choose to let that be enough. It's always easier doing so while sitting here on the beach. So I'm really grateful for these moments. And I hold on to them when I'm living in the muck and meyer of day to day.

Today is Peter's twenty fifth birthday. He is in jail. I have had no contact with him in over four weeks. And I don't have any more information since my last post about him.  When I ttexted Helen that today was his birthday she said. "I don't think hallmark has a card for that." Pretty much sums it . I would ask that you would say a prayer for him today. It's all I have to offer him right now. And yet in the spiritual world -which is the real reality- it is everything that one can offer him.

My coffee has run out. My bottom is sore from sitting on this lump of sand. So I will look at wrapping this up. I have to head back home in a few hours. That is sad. But I am so grateful for the gift of this weekend. Peter had a birthday and I got a gift. Go figure.

Happy Birthday

Here is a little Birthday Shout out (a day late) to this great lady! Mom was 87 yesterday, Oct 1st- finally! I have been telling people for almost a year that she is 87.  She recently corrected me!  She was 86 ALL last year.  Now she is 87 and going strong!

She is a friend to many keeping up with friends old and new through cards, calls and even text!

She is active working in her yard, working on jigsaw puzzels, and going to swim excercise (even when she doesn't really want to.)

yes we have twinsy bathing suits like we had
twinsy dresses when I was a kid. 
FYI - I had my suit first.

She is an award winning mom, friend, and cookie baker!

She has "adopted" many children, grandchildren and great grandchildren over the years and is beloved by many.

I am so grateful to call this great lady mom!  Really I mean it.  I am not just saying it because she will read this post.  In honesty she might not like that I displayed her all over this page!  Oh well.  Thats what she gets for being so great!!!

A week later

 Not a lot has happened in the past week but there are a few things to report.

• The latest I have heard on Peter is  this report on Thursday from my contact Savannah, Mental Health clinician with the police.  Peter has been evaluted (I am assuming regarding his mental health) which she says is good and should help his case.  Peter was still refusing medication.  Savannah is working on trying to get  housing after release through Georgia's Department of Behavioral health and developmental disabilities.
• A friend alerted me to a group home in Warner Robins (3 hours from Gainesville) that could be a real possibility for Peter at some point.  It is the only NAMI (National Alliance of Mental Health) Group Home in GA.  I was encouraged by the man I spoke with there.  Peter does need to be stabilized on medication and willing as well as funds will need to be resourced.  Unlike the other places I looked at in the spring the cost of this one is reasonable.  This would not be immediate but I do hope to work on the application and get it on file with them soon.
• I continue to receive request from Social Security for information regarding Peter's application for dissability.  I keep responding and hope at some point (of course hopefully sooner than later) he will be approved for it.
• I wrestle with the  rotating feelings of guilt over the relief of currently not dealing with Peter daily, intense worry for what he is experiencing, gratitude for others being involved, and fear of being throw back into the fray of the rollercoaster Peter currently rides.
• Thank your for  continuing to pray for his protection, willingness to take medication, housing when he is released, people to continue advocating on his behalf, all of this jail and court experience will be used for good, spiritual healing, and healing (recovery) from mental illness all to the praise and glory of God. 

Not much new

To the best of my knowledge, Peter remains in jail.  I got very little information this week and what I did learn sounds like the process is moving slow.  The last I heard, the mental health clinician with the police was trying to get him evaluated to be on medication in the jail.  Their thinking is it is that jail is the safest place for him to be while stabilizing.  I agree.  This process is moving slower than I hoped as well as is his acceptance into mental health court.  It is easier knowing where he is and there is "nothing for me to do" but it is a bit unnerving at the same time.  Although I pray for him as I move throughout the day, Saturday afternoon, I felt pressed to stop what I was doing and really pray.  Of course that made me wonder what is going on. I spoke with a lawyer about Peter's ability to claim residency on my porch.  She clarified things which was helpful.  I do not plan to take legal action but I do have a plan of action should he return to the porch when released from jail.

I am thankful for those who are working on his behalf. I am thankful for those willing to communicate with me.  I am thankful for those who faithfully pray.  I am thankful for the current reprieve from dealing with Peter daily and face to face.

 Here are a few things to continue praying about as you are so led.

• The processing of his disability - I get info in on time and it is approved
• Peter's safety in jail.
• That there will be people to show him the love of Jesus and his ability to see it.
• He will get evaluated and started on meds ASAP
• Peter will be agreeable to take medication.
• People in the court and mental health system who will work on Peter's behalf.
• A safe place for him to go after release from jail.  There are 2 possibilities with both being long shots.
• My ability to contact necessary agents about bills collecting at my house for Peter.
• Good and accurate communication between agencies dealing with Peter and his various court cases.
• For God to reveal himself to Peter and his ability to recieve it in this dark dark season.
• Victory over the enemy in this battle for Peter's life - here and eternal.
• As always for discerment for me to know what to do and what to let go.
• For my ability to deal with the phone calls and paperwork that I DO NOT like and struggle to be motivated to do.

Weekend

 I had a great weekend away.  33 years agon a couple with 2 young children adopted me into their family.  Shortly after they added 2 more children each of which I share a special connection - a birthdate and a name.   I witnessed the adding of sons and daughter's in laws.  This weekend we celebrated the anticipated arrival of grandbaby number 10 and received the announcement of grandbaby number 11.  All the family minus one member was there and it was fun to be in the midst of the chaos which that many people bring.  I enjoyed yummy food, good sleep and lots of laughter. I am thankful for this interlude in the craziness of my life.

While I was away I did not hear from Peter.  Glimpses from the house camera that gave me a partial view of the porch, caused me to doubt he was there.  Amd he was not on the porch when I arrived last night.  This morning I began with the calls to the ER, jail, and a local mental health crisis center with no positive responses of Peter sitings.  I did begin to panick just a bit.  I am grateful to my Police Mental Health clinician contact who responded quickly to my inquirey. Peter had been picked up and taken to the local jail this weekend.  I do not know what the charges are.  I do know that they are working to try to get him on meds for stabilization while in the jail. The thinking is Jail would be a safe place for him to try to stabilze.  I am in agreement. I am grateful for the local police force and those who are working on behalf of Peter and others in our community. Please pray that God will use this jail stay for good. 

Taking a Break

I am attempting to take a break from the crazy.  I am headed out shortly to meet up with Anna and the kids in Greenville and travel to Eastern NC to spend the weekend with the Adams clan celebrating the future arrival of Haley's baby.  It will be good to be with this branch of my choosen "extended family."  It will also be good to take a break from the drama living out on my front porch.

Over the weekend Peter's psychosis became more evident.  I can tell in the exaggerated laugh, the conversations he is having with no one present, his irritation with me, and the staring into the storm window (it functions as a mirror.) My porch looks like a hurricane hit it by the disarray and trash. I called the police for a wellness check Tuesday morning.  They asked Peter if they could help him in anyway.  The only thing he could come up with was "to find my mom a boyfriend." Needless to say their visit with Peter was brief and unproductive. In their converstion with me, I became frustrated over the lack of their ability to do anything to help him if he didn't want it - even though he needs it.  I also learned that he has been on my porch long enough that he can claim residency.  To have him removed I have to go to the courthouse and file for an eviction.  They couldn't ask him to leave if I wanted them to.  Thursday the Police made another visit while I was at work because a passerby called it in.  Evidentally he was talking loudly and laughing at the storm door. The officer was someone who knew us back when I worked at the Gym so he made the efforts to find me and make sure I was okay.  But once again their was nothing they could do.  

I will leave water and a few snacks but without hot meals I anticipate Peter will go looking for something somewhere.  I have asked mom not to go get him or go to the house.  I don't believe he would intinionally hurt her but he's not in a good head space. Again I wouldn't be surprised if he ends up in the hospital by weekends end.  If not it looks like I will need to head to the courthouse on Monday to start the eviction process.  I think it's time.  

My friend says this is the stuff TV movies are made of. . . . right before the bad stuff happens.  We pray not.  We pray that God will be glorified as he works his good purposes through this sticky mess. 

Two more things

 I want to ask of you 2 more things.

1. Pray for a place for Peter to live.  I am told this is impossible.  But the bible tells me God can do the impossible.  In addition to medical help and people who can assist with processes, Peter needs a safe place to sleep and be to help with his process of healing.
2. Please don't view Peter as the enemy to be avoided and feared.  Yes he can get angry and he has said hateful words. There are times, off of his medication,  he has been threatening in his manner. But EVERYTIME it is in response to his own fear and distress  Mental illness alters ones reality and it is scary.  Not knowing where one is going to sleep and eat in addition to having no money intensifies this fear.  We talk about wild animals that get all scary and say - in truth they are more scared of you.  They react in a threatenin manner out of their own fight for survival.  Peter is fighting for survival and the response is people run away.  He is treated with little kindness. Why?, because everyone is afraid.  I am not afraid of Peter.  I am worn out and tired of 20 years of being an enabler in an enabling relation. This relationship doesn't help either one of us and I am trying to break that cycle  Bu my experience has been, there is little help out there. So if I don't help him, really who will.  Experience shows not that many people because everyone is afraid. Yes I am cautious around Peter but primarily because the people around me keep telling me how scared they are for me.  Peter doesn't need more people making him out to be this "scary threatening person needing to be avoided,"  He needs geniuine kindness and compassion. People act like I am the victem here.  Mental illness is a horrible thing for the person who has it.  I don't think I even compreshend it.  And yes it is horible for the people who love them. There are lots of people out there with mental illness.  They didn't ask for it any more than a cancer patient  asked for cancer.  They are not the enemy. They need our kindness, compassion and help.  For they are someone's child.  They are probably loved by a mom somewhere and most definitely loved by God.