Well, well, well ....

My last post was 4 years ago.  I actually thought my blog had been lost somewhere out in "yonder." I got lost for awhile and wasn't interested in writing my thoughts and just stopped.  Plus I kept getting weird responses from unknown people and I just kind of abandoned the blog. 

Recently,  I had been thinking about starting a new one.  So after playing around with other options and accidentally came across this one and saw it wasn't really lost to cyberspace.  Actually was glad to know my old stories were still available to me.

So this is my feeler - is this blog still reaching people?  Does it have glitches and robot responses?  Will I really use it?  If all is good I will simply continue my processing and stories here.  If not I will start a new space and let people know where to find it.

Happy Black Friday

Greetings and Happy Black Friday.  (Sorry I missed Thanksgiving.) Here is just little bits of life from my corner.

Just reread the last bog and wow its been six weeks!  Since then the Fall decorations outside have come and gone without any pictures.  Due to my busy schedule, in spite of my "Christmas AFTER Thanksgiving" philosophy, I decorated the outside for Christmas last weekend. 

Peter has made progress with his knee recovery.  He returns to the doctor Monday and I am a little anxious based on the last visit and Peter's lack of effort at home to do any recovery work.  He is currently attending PT three times a week.  Life for him is pretty much the same, school (grades are good right now, YAY), the couch and the remote.  

My folks had a great trip to Kansas and seem to be doing well.  I spent a few hours with them yesterday for Thanksgiving.  The weather was beautiful, mom made a nice Turkey dinner, and it was just good to be together. We are looking forward to spending Christmas at the beach.

So did I tell you about my part time job?  In August I started working as a Floor Set/Replenishment Team member at a nearby Bath and Body Works.  I  averaged working once a month until just recently. I go in after the store closes and help change out the displays. With the holidays I am working some during store hours to keep all those nice smelly things on the shelf.  I actually had my first Thanksgiving/Black Friday retail experience last night as I worked 5:30 pm to 1:30 am.  It was crazy but actually fun.  I spent several hours ringing jingle bells at the door and telling people about our specials.  I also restocked 29 plus flavors of hand soaps. Turns out I am pretty good at both of those.  I work the next couple of evenings as well. Between my preschool being open through this past Wednesday and working Thanksgiving weekend at Bath and Body Works, there hasn't been much "holiday break."  I was feeling pretty sorry for myself Thursday morning.  But while interacting with folks last night and stacking soaps I realized it wasn't so bad.  Probably better for me to be working than sitting at home overdosing on Hallmark Christmas movies. 

This semester I have been taking two classes at the local Technical College to complete a Childhood Specialist Teaching Certificate.  Sounds fancy but it just means I can keep doing what I love doing and that is teaching preschool.  It has actually been a great experience as the classes have enhanced my current job by the projects that have been assigned and the people I have met. I have just a few more weeks but there are several big projects to accomplish in the meantime.  

I really do love my job at the preschool. My co-workers are super, the kids are fantastic, and it is a great outlet for my craziness.  Where else can you work that you can declare the day a PJ day or get paid to do art and build tent forts. I recently took our class Pete the Cat (10 inch stuffed animal) on a weekend trip and did a photo shoot of his "vacation."  People look at you funny until you say "It's for my preschool kids."  Even then the Starbucks worker gave me an odd look when I put Pete on the counter and took a picture.

With the business of Christmas at my two jobs, school projects, and Christmas at the beach, I am thinking to really down play some of the Christmas hoopla.  But then again it is just the day after Thanksgiving, I may not be able to refrain from embracing the Christmas hoopla!

Thanks for reading my ramblings.  Thanks for being my friends.  Grateful for you. 

Now go out there and SHOP!!!!!! (Today is buy 3 get 3 free at Bath and Body Works!) Happy Black Friday!

In case you wondered

So I tend to be bad about telling my story in the middle and forgetting to let you know the end or at least the progression.

Peter is walking less like Quasimodo and wears his brace most of the time.  Last Sunday he went out without it before I realized it. Peter does not appear to be doing anything at home to strengthen his knee or improve his health.  However he appears to be working hard at PT and is on track in the normal progression of things.   

Peter turned 18 last Saturday.  He didn't want to go out as he said it was too much trouble to get dressed up with the brace and all. I don't think that was the whole truth but we just left it at that.  He wanted take out Red Lobster while he watched Football on the couch.  Peter said we could sit and eat take out in the living room with him.  Instead my folks and I went out to Red Lobster to celebrate Peter's birthday and brought him a take out box.  Except for the gifts (that Peter had pretty much pre-picked) and the Red Lobster it was an average day for Peter.  For me it was as if this weight fell off. Peter is 18 and I am not legally responsible! Woo hoo! I know that may sound strange perhaps unrealistic or harsh to some.  Yet it may help to understand that I operate from a very high sense of responsibility. Many of my decisions are greatly effected by feeling responsible for something or someone.  Until a week ago, legally I would be held responsible for Peter.  With Peter turning 18 I don't feel the responsibility.  Now I have choices.  I know I always did but without the legal responsibility weighing on me I can better see the freedom of choice.  (And yes there has been therapy sessions to help me get to this point.)  Presently I am choosing to support Peter to help him graduate from high school and to recover from his knee surgery.  As we reach those milestones, we will see what is next.

Hurricane Matthew caused our trip to Saint Simon's Island to be canceled. Graciously we have been given the chance to reschedule.  I am pretty excited that we now plan to spend Christmas at St Simon's Island.  We have often talked about going somewhere for Christmas but never have.  So this year we will and I am looking forward to it.  Due to that canceled October trip and some other factors, my folks have decided to fly to Kansas here at the end of October.  Their philosophy is that as long as they can keep going and doing, they will. And I am so glad that they can and do.

Fall has arrived and I am grateful for the cooler weather.  I have done a little fall decorating outside and have a bit more yard work to do next week.  Hopefully next week I will share a few pictures. Meanwhile there are bills to pay and homework to do.  So until next time, . .  . 

Riding the Coaster

So if you haven't figured it out yet, I emotionally tend to ride the roller coaster.  It has probably always been a bit that way but at this point in life the loops and falls tend to happen within a 24 hour period as compared to being spread out over days or weeks.  I typically wake up plunging down fast and make the climb to the top by the time I reach my awesome preschoolers.  Throughout the day there will be some twist and turns and as evening hits I tend to plummet down again.  The big question always is whether the physical is influencing the emotional or the emotional is influencing the physical.  I am somewhat supplement dependent to get through the day and my coworkers know when I accidentally forget to take them in the morning.  Though I think I would be much happier to live life on a simple Tea cup Saucer ride, I am trying not to fret and embrace the ride.

With that preamble you can imagine that since I shared about the great visit with Peter's PT's, there have been highs and lows.  

Low - Friday, I lost it with Peter in a situation that I could have handled so much better than I did.  And I can feel the residual from him as a result.

High - Mom and I had a delightful celebration of her birthday Saturday afternoon having lunch and window shopping.

Low - Cable TV means I am staying up too late and I am making poor food choices so I feel kind of yuck.

High - Sunday afternoon was somewhat lazy while talking with two dear long distance friends on the phone.

Low - Peter decides he isn't using his crutches so is walking like Quasimodo. I am pretty sure he does not have his brace on accurately but he will not accept any advice or expressions of concerns from me.

High - I bought a purple mum, some baby pumpkins and new white chairs for my outside decoration.

Low - I shouldn't have spent the money on the above items.

High - We are headed for the beach in 3 days.

Low - There is a Hurricane headed the way of that beach.

On and on the ride goes.  So currently I am praying for emotions that resembles one of those sedate kiddie rides at the amusement park and for clear direction about what we do regarding this beach trip. 

Light

I know I am very quick to tell you the hard things going on but don't always follow up with the positive.  That's not fair is it?  Thereflre I am taking just a minute this evening to tell you about some light shining in the dark today.

First we went to therapy early this morning and very quickly I knew we were in the right spot.  The therapist in charge of Peter's treatment works with a lot of young athletes specifically teens.  And I recognized early on that he views it as a kind of ministry.  The vibe of the whole rehab center is a peaceful one. There is evidence of Jesus there. It was also comforting when I recognized a therapist there as one of the men in my church. Peter's therapist told us Peter was currently pretty normal in his progress.  I saw him push Peter to do some things that I didn't think he was able.  And Peter seemed to gain a little more confidence.  He also was cooperative and "pleasant" at least pleasant  in regards to the Peter scale. Peter will go 2-3 times a week for about 3-4 months.  When he attends afternoons there will be a lot of other teen athletes in there as well and I see how this could be positive. I left there feeling much better about our current experience and very grateful for the upcoming interaction with this group of folks.

Second I had a man tell me today "how much he enjoyed meeting Peter," when he met with him yesterday. So now that is not something I often here.  Hobbling on crutches Peter went to meet with a man about some seasonal work starting in late November.  I was told about how Peter used football to make a connection and the enjoyable conversation they had.  I was told about how respectful and polite he was.  Wow.  And with this potential physical job, hopefully will come motivation for Peter to do the work to strengthen his knee.  

Thank you for your prayers.  These little events today have shed light and reminded me once again that God is for us and not against us.

Reality

The past two days have been "bottom days" in our home.  Those days that I hope are bottom and we are headed up because they were not good.  The reality of Peter having to be inconvenienced with a brace for a month or more, having to relearn to use his knee and being uncomfortable for an extended time has hit him and he has not taken it very well.  His decision Monday not to wear his brace (something he has to do) lead to our seeing the doctor yesterday instead of Thursday.  Stitches and bandages are gone but now remains a swollen knee in a brace that doesn't want to move easily.  We go for a Physical Therapy (PT) eval tomorrow morning.  The group we are going to are Sports Meds guys and though not covered by our insurance, they are providing a rate that is possible.  They are suppose to be the very experienced especially with teenage athletes.

Peter is not fun to deal with and I am not doing it well at times.  Please pray for him in this. Not sure even exactly how to pray.  He seems to lack motivation and perseverance.  He certainly struggles with acceptance.  Ultimately my desire is for him to recognize God's goodness in this.  I think it is safe to say he is pretty angry right now.  And as always I pray for people to reach out and his ability to receive. And do pray for my attitude. (NOT that I have patience though! We know what that usually means!) I do want to handle his moods well but often my own gets in the way.

This Saturday is mom's 80th birthday - yeah mom!  The following Saturday is Peter's 18th. We have planned a trip to St Simons Island for the long weekend over Peter's birthday. The plan is for Mom, Dad, Peter and myself to go as I have rented a house,  This is mom's trip but due to school break for Peter, it is his birthday weekend.  He has been invited but I confess I am kind of nervous based on his current attitude. I want this to be a fun trip for mom as this is a place she has wanted to go for many years but has never been. I am praying for a peaceful trip ( even if that means Peter stays behind.) My desire is that we can all go and have a pleasant trip.

I am always grateful for your interest, concern, and prayers regarding me and my family.

And yes tomorrow marks what would have been Larry's 52nd birthday.  I have a crazy busy day and won't be able to celebrate it with my folks.  I appreciate your prayers for them as days like this always are just a bit harder.

Day 3 Post Op

So Peter and I are in day three of recovery phase.  I think the "blues" have hit us both.  I can see it in his face and feel it in my own body.  We are  done with the ice pack contraption and some meds.  I am still administering pain meds and doing a lot of "getting this and that."  And trying to encourage him to do the prescribed exercises.

My biggest concern is Peter's halfheartedness about the exercises he is to be doing daily.  He is not doing any weight bearing on the leg either which he should be. He just says it hurts. Which no doubt it does.  I keep telling him how important it is to do them but get minimal response.  Then whenever I mention to others that he is not wanting to do the exercises, they are like "oh he has to or it will be worse,"  and then my anxiety increases.  I feel as if I am failing my responsibility cause I can't make him do it.  Somehow I feel like I should be able to and I am failing because I am not.  (This is a common theme with Peter and me.)

So please pray for Peter to have the internal motivation to do what he needs to to get his knee working again.  Pray that he will push through the pain.  I do not have much power of influence with Peter - at least not through my words.  So if there is something I need to DO to motivate I need God to show and empower me. (And while being open and transparent, I ask you please not to offer me suggestions - that only stirs up my anxiety.) Pray for God to show me.  And if there is someone else who could be motivational to Peter (and I have no idea who that would be as his social base is so small) pray that that person would enter the picture.

This experience is going to make us both stronger but at the moment it has us both feeling pretty kicked to the ground in weakness.