Before Curfew

This is a follow up to the post "Tonight" posted 10/9/15

 

Well, so it did not rain Friday night.  It has been raining since but that is besides the point.  However Peter's football team lost meaning there was no party.  Although it wasn't immediately following the game he was home well before curfew.  He says he went to Taco Bell with a friend following the game.  Considering how much he stays in his room, I was actually glad he was out with people.  Thus one more Friday night of raising a teenager has been survived.

A week ago . . .



A week ago tonight I was on my way to my college Alma Mater with three of my college friends. As I was told would likely happen, these college friends have become lifelong friends.  I trust them with my life and well my death.  I consider them close enough friends that each have been named in my will to assist in the event of my death.  That being said I was a little nervous about heading out on a road trip with all of us in one car.  Leanne promised to drive safe and she did a great job getting us to Mars Hill and back in spite of the weekend of rain.  This year marked 25 years since we graduated thus prompting our  homecoming weekend road trip.  We were a bit surprised and disappointed that only one other classmate from our graduation year was in attendance.  Yet the low attendance nor the rain kept us from having a great time.  Melissa thought to bring the yearbooks.  (Not surprising considering she had been the yearbook editor one year.)  We had a lot of fun remembering folks we had forgotten and laughing at our hair and fashion.  During the weekend we found some great places to eat and had plenty of snacks. My mom even sent cookies for nostalgia purposes.  Mom was known for sending cookies.  We laughed and laughed.  To quote Melissa "It was fun to relive being 18 for the weekend." 

 

Here is a little pictorial review of the weekend.

Leanne, Melissa, Me, Tonya
In 1986 we were from 4 different cities in 3 different states.
Now we live within an hour drive of one another.
 

Leanne was our awesome driver. 
Packing her car was reminiscent of packing our cars to go off to college. 
We had snacks for a month and approximately 16 pairs of shoes
 

Melissa found us a great house to rent in our beloved mountains. 
It had a great price and was perfect for hanging out. 

 

The rain didn't stop us from wandering around to see remember the old and checking out the new.
The far building is now a library but we knew it as the dining hall.

The road on the far left leads to what we referred to as Women's Hill.
What a shock to learn that Women and Men are no longer separated into their respected sides.
They even have co-ed dorms.  Oh my!!!!

The Student Union with the famous view in the back.
Amidst so many changes it was comforting to see little had changed in the Student Union.
We even recognized some of the couches!

Homecoming Game
Again the fabulous view with the mountain mist.
We wont talk about who won the game.

In our day this Western Sizzler (now turned church) was one of the only places to eat. 
Now they have so many choices.  They even have a Waffle House!

Frequented more than Western Sizzler by us poor college students was the Texaco with it's snack bar.

Greatly saddened by the loss of this memorable landmark.

We knew Weaverville as a little stop between Mars Hill and Ashville.
It had a Roses and a Hardees.
What a shock to see the metropolis it has become with it's
Wal-Mart, Lowes, Aldi's and numerous eating establishments.
Had awesome meals at Stoney Knob Café and Well Bread Café.
Great Friends and Great Food - who could ask for more!

 

 

Tonight

Tonight I am the mom of a seventeen year old. 

 

Peter had his birthday yesterday.  He and I have had a rough week.  I would tell you it is him and he would tell you it was me.  I know it is him and well the more I ponder I realize a lot of it is me.  His birthday celebration at my folks immediately followed a big argument in the car.  And at one point in the evening I had to leave the house to make three laps around the block to cool off.  I have been hurt by things he has done and said.   I am also not proud of things I have said. I know a lot of it is rooted in my expectations and pride.  And I know I am in desperate need of grace.  As I receive it, I pray I can extend it.   Gratefully today has been better.  While on a little shopping trip (to spend the gift card he received from grandma) we actually had pleasant (as pleasant as it gets with a 17 year old boy) conversation.

 

Peter is at a football game and I am at home living through the anxiety of having my 17 year old "out on his own."  He does not drive yet he has plans to attend a party after the game with friends.  This is contingent upon their school winning the game and if it doesn't rain.  We have discussed curfew, not riding with someone if they have been drinking, etc.  Peter voluntarily showed me where the party is to be located. It is at the home of a boy who attended the military school for awhile as well and I know of the parents.  I believe I need to allow some freedom but it is a bit nerve racking none the less.

 

I am trying to be calm and cool and simply pray.  Needless to say I am praying for rain!

September 29th

Tuesday September 29th, 2015 marks what would have been my brother Larry's 51st birthday as well as the first birthday since his death.  Long time friends of the family have come to spend the week with my parents. With Larry's birthday Tuesday and my mom's on Thursday (October 1st) I am pretty sure the timing of the visit was not coincidental.

 

We will celebrate with a meal at Red Lobster on Wednesday.  In the past we have often combined mom and Larry's birthday dinner into one on the day in the middle.  (It also works well for me because I didn't really want to miss yoga on Tuesday.)  Red Lobster was a favorite and often chosen place of Larry's.  And  Dad and Peter are always looking for a reason to participate in Endless Shrimp.

 

They say the first holidays without a loved one are usually really hard.  I can at least say at this point that it is weird.  I keep thinking about "what to get Larry for his birthday."  And I found myself automatically going for the birthday card for mom from both of us as had been my habit the last few years.  Yet at this point I don't feel overly emotional or dreadful about the 29th.

 

I did decided that I want to commemorate or celebrate his life in someway.  So I am going to share in an adjoining post the Eulogy that I wrote and read at Larry's graveside service.  It seemed like a nice way to remember and share the memory with friends.

Remembering Larry

Following is the Eulogy I wrote and read at Larry's graveside service this past May.

Larry Plants  was an eclectic soul.  He was timeless.  At  50 years old Larry could relate to the fancy's of a child, a young adult and even an old man.  This was seen in his activities and interest.  He took great interest in the preschool children his sister taught and the antics of his teenage nephew.  He teased the adults he encountered and was comfortable with "old folks."  Larry's DVD collection reflected this eclectic interest as it included Disney movies, the One Tree Hill collection, many John Wayne movies as well as old Red Skeleton shows.  His music collection included Neil Diamond, Selena Gomez, Reba Macintyre, and the random Harp & Flute CD.  Larry collected many things including baseball cards, rocks, marbles, playing cards, and match box cars.  He was interested in civil war history, drawing, hockey, and any sport that had girls playing. Larry's interest were big and wide much like his heart.

Larry had a very tender heart.  He was compassionate, giving considerate, and sentimental.  Larry cared about people and what they were interested in or might need.  Larry was generous, giving to others.  He was thrifty hating to break a ten dollar bill when purchasing his own snacks but quick to share for the sake of another.  Larry made decisions based on what he thought another person might want.  Larry's family was very important to him.  His phrase "let's do it as a family" was frequent in his conversations.  Larry was very sentimental about his friends and family loving to share stories of the past and making new memories with them.

Larry's answers often road the fence.  His answer to how was your day was typically "good and bad."  He answered many questions with "yes and no."  And he more often followed up what he was thinking with "in my opinion." Though he was non committal in many such answers, Larry had a strong sense of right and wrong.  Larry was a person of integrity.

Recently a grade school friend shared that he remembered Larry having a strong character even at a young age.  Eddy wrote
"Larry is one of those guys with great heart and character of a man. It was easy to see even as a child. What stands out to me most was Larry’s strong sense of integrity and loyalty to his family, that made a big impression on me. He was the first person I knew who took personal integrity seriously ..who relied far more on the internal compass rather than what people thought. He had a great heart and I remember his great character."

Larry faced many challenges during his 50 years.  Over the years the count of surgeries, stitches and broken bones that he endure has been lost but they were numerous.  He spent more days at the doctor's office and hospital in his lifetime than he probably did at school.  Larry did not get to participate in most of the milestones of his peers. There were times he expressed his sorrow over this.  Yet for the most part Larry patiently took life in stride.  He rolled with the punches and found delights in the simple things.

Larry was not a "contributor" to the world in the way we often think of productive people.  There was much he could not do.  There was much that he needed people to do for him.  Yet Larry gave so much in simply being.  He was a great listener, listening with big smiles to our stories.  He loved to laugh, often making jokes and teasing.  He found delight in simple pleasures. Larry showed great endurance and patience in a fast paced and frantic world. People were important to him.  He cared deeply for his friends and family.  And for this reason we miss Larry and are sad at his passing.

However Larry spent most of his life in a body that was confining. His mobility and speech were slow.  His thought processes often delayed.  He was limited because of his physical body.  Yet from a young age Larry believed and trusted in Jesus with his heart and soul.  And it is because of this truth that we believe Larry is at last free from the limits of his earthly body.  Larry is dancing and singing in the presence of Jesus without confinement or delay. And for this we rejoice. For this we are happy to know that at last he is free. 

Napping Yoga

So when I worked at the Family Life Center (a church gym) on Tuesdays, I watched the women come out of the Restorative Yoga class and I would think, "wow they look relaxed and happy.'   I talked to the instructors, 2 physical therapist and I would think, "wow they sure are nice." And then I would think, "wow I sure wish I could take that class."  But the class was on the night I worked at the gym.  Then when I didn't work at the gym anymore, I got off from my afternoon job too late to attend the class.  This spring someone talked about the class saying how life changing it was - the weekly stretch and time of mental unwinding.  And once again, I was like "I wish I could take that class."  So what joy to discover that they now offered the class at a later time.  But on inquiry I learned the class was full.  Aww Man! Then to my delight, I receive a call a couple of weeks ago saying that there was an opening.  Yay! So last Tuesday I began attending a weekly Restorative Yoga class.  

 

Restorative Yoga  is not your typical yoga class.  I thought it was funny when the instructor said it was nicknamed Napping Yoga.  I didn't get it until I began attending.  So far I have found most of the class takes place while either lying on our backs or in some stretched out forward pose. And sometime the length of a held pose really dose afford one to take a cat nap. I did find my first class to be somewhat challenging.  I was reminded of how uncoordinated I am.  I know that I breath all the time while doing other things but somehow I often find it almost beyond my capacity to coordinate intentional deep breathing with forming the yoga poses as simple as they may be.  I started to have flash backs of 9th grade jump roping or college clogging class where I just couldn't make it all happen at the same time.  Then I would think about that AFLAC commercial where the duck is in the yoga class.  Or I would imagine my friend Helen's comments if she was in class with me and I would start to giggle.  Here we are with this light airy music in the background, lights dim, everyone in their zone and I am struggling not to laugh out loud. 

 

I am a more seasoned member now having two classes under my belt.  My breathing is a little more "yogafied." and I am less giggly.  It really is a great hour of stretching and "being."  I still have to really work on relaxing my mind and thoughts.  They still like to go Spin Class pace.  Yet I am determined to use this hour not only to improve physical health through stretching but also emotional and mental health by relaxing, releasing and being.  And well if I still giggle a little during class, they say laughter is good for one's body, soul and mind.

 

My many gardens

With Labor Day comes the official end of summer.  So I am starting to think about transitioning my outdoor décor into fall.  Before I began to dismantle some of it I decided to take some pictures.  Then I remembered that I said I would show you "my many gardens."  So here is a tour of my yard with its gardens and points of interest.  

Welcome to The Back Porch.

  Back between the house and the shed, follow the red brick path . .

 . . . . and the sign to . . . .

 

. . . . .Play Garden.  It is still a work in progress.  I am still working on getting a chalk board for the easel.  And no, the moss didn't grow.


 

The concept is a "build your own fairy garden."  There are all kinds of building materials and fairies and gnome for friends who wants to come and play.

.

The Fairy Retirement Gnome Some of the fairies had broken pieces.  I was able to get them for a "fairly" good price and well even broken fairies need a place to call gnome.

On the other side of the Play Garden is the Fire Pit with Seating that boarders . . .

 

The Gathering Lawn

The Archway to the Front Lawn

The Front Lawn. It is mostly weeds but even weeds look good when mowed.

The mailbox was painted with chalk paint. Since it lost its little red flag, sometimes I just draw it on when I have mail.  Or I leave messages for folks walking by. I forgot to take pictures of the shrubs that I worked so hard to tame. They are just above the mailbox (to the right), the length of the driveway.

The Entrance to the Porch

I got this $40 Gnome for $4 because his shovel was broken.  I just cover up the broken part with a rock.

The Retirement Herb Garden (plus a jalapeno and okra plant.)

 

I once heard that colonialist planted thyme by the back door because they believed that fairies lived on the thyme.  I figure everyone needs fairies that are "on thyme."  This fairy is not.  She is currently out of thyme.  It died.

 

 

This  broken $12 rain gage is now just a $1.20 happy frog embracing an invisible dream.

 

My Aunt Edith made these ceramic frogs, Edie and Reed when I was a kid.  They moved around with my mom and underwent several repainting's.  I inherited them last year and gave them a paint touch up and then put them out to enjoy the sun.

 

The Reading Nook

 

Mosquito net makes it a safe place for evening phone calls or reading.

 

The Eating Porch

This is the picnic table my dad built several years back and I claimed it during last year's move.  The chandelier base is the side of a baby crib that some neighbors left for the trash men.



And this is the Front Door.  Your welcome to come for a visit.