Tonight

Tonight I am the mom of a seventeen year old. 

 

Peter had his birthday yesterday.  He and I have had a rough week.  I would tell you it is him and he would tell you it was me.  I know it is him and well the more I ponder I realize a lot of it is me.  His birthday celebration at my folks immediately followed a big argument in the car.  And at one point in the evening I had to leave the house to make three laps around the block to cool off.  I have been hurt by things he has done and said.   I am also not proud of things I have said. I know a lot of it is rooted in my expectations and pride.  And I know I am in desperate need of grace.  As I receive it, I pray I can extend it.   Gratefully today has been better.  While on a little shopping trip (to spend the gift card he received from grandma) we actually had pleasant (as pleasant as it gets with a 17 year old boy) conversation.

 

Peter is at a football game and I am at home living through the anxiety of having my 17 year old "out on his own."  He does not drive yet he has plans to attend a party after the game with friends.  This is contingent upon their school winning the game and if it doesn't rain.  We have discussed curfew, not riding with someone if they have been drinking, etc.  Peter voluntarily showed me where the party is to be located. It is at the home of a boy who attended the military school for awhile as well and I know of the parents.  I believe I need to allow some freedom but it is a bit nerve racking none the less.

 

I am trying to be calm and cool and simply pray.  Needless to say I am praying for rain!