I know I am really bad about dropping off and coming back up to the surface when things aren't all I wish they were. So here I am. Not going to spend time apologizing. I also am not going to go into great details of the past 6 months. But first let me establish - Mom is doing well. My health has improved . I love my new job and have MUCH that I am grateful for.
Peter started on a rollercoaster late summer following a change of medication due to Peter's excessive weight gain. Another medication had other side effects that let to another change. Mid fall I began to notice some behavior changes that were concerning. This Fall the doctor made a couple of changes in response to my concerns in hopes of bringing Peter out of what appeared to be mania behaviors. Meanwhile Peter was growing more frustrated with his job at the Hospital and after some threats, succeeded in quitting the hospital job on the spot the first week of December. Throughout December he started and quit two delivery jobs and eventually was driving for Door Dash in neighboring cities. Last week he thought he had a Dominoes driving job here in Gainesville and they ended up not hiring him. There are many reasons for which I will not go into that this is not surprising. With that he began making plans that involved selling his car (which he concluded was the problem) so he would have money to go to New York to find a job and live where he doesn't need a car. Peter's plans have changed regularly over the past many months . I usually just hold on when I am warry of a plan knowing it will change. However this one has maintained for 4 days now.
On Thursday Peter decided he was selling the car and moving to New York. I meanwhile worked with the Dr on Friday for a change of medication. He was showing signs of rejecting his medicine (my requirement for staying here) over the past month and had skipped it a couple of days last week. While I was away this weekend he did not take any of his meds and when I approached him last night with the new one he told me he wasn't taking any more meds and he was leaving soon. Today he sold his car to a local car dealership. His bags are packed and a bus ticket to New York was purchased tonight. He also spent a good bit of time letting me know that I have been unsupportive and once he is moved up to New York I wont hear from him. Evidentially my lack of support has been a real hurt
I honestly believe he will get on the bus to NY. I can think of so many things that can go wrong (especially because he is bipolar with out medication.) I am afraid for him and what he may endure. I am sad for how lost he is (but doesn't know it) and the rejection he carries. I am not trying to prevent his going though. I don't know what the Lord has planned and I am scarred to think how painful his "best" may be - but mom and I have been praying Proverbs16;9 (that popped up in Friday's devotion) "The heart of a man plans his way but the LORD establishes his steps. " I trust the Lord is establishing steps an pray the Lord will use other people and perhaps even a spiritual vision if necessary to reach Peter.
The last month I have been praying for Peter's salvation, his safety, a sound mind and stability (of job etc) As the Lord leads I invite you to do the same. For knowing that I am not alone in this is a great encouragement and comfort to me. With much gratitude, Linda
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