So much better, but....

 Peter came home Thursday afternoon.  He is in a much better place than he was for the couple of months prior to his hospitalization.  He is more conversational and positive and looks healthier.  Peter had lost a lot of weight in pursuit of a modeling career and was struggling with insomnia.  The doctor's response a month ago had been to increase his medication.  Add to that the stressors of lack of job, lack of finances and things I am sure I am unaware of, Peter had dipped into deep depression.

I don't know exactly what all took place during the past 2 weeks but he did sleep a good bit, was eating regular meals, interacting with people and his medication was decreased and switched to a once a day dosage as opposed to 2 a day. These all seemed to work together to stabilize Peter into what I consider to be more of the "real him."

There is uncertainty about the Amazon job, he is still in the process of following up to see if it is still an option. He seems to be sleeping better at night and eating.  And he is able to talk to me without that aloofness or distain that was the norm the past few months.  He seems to have a spiritual softening that comes when he is mentally more stable.  Don't exaggerate that in your mind, he probably would still say he doesn't believe in God but he was playing Christian music in the car and doesn't have that same animosity towards my god view comments.  

I am grateful for the Peter I picked up Thursday.  I certainly see God answering our prayers with a yes and I am grateful but......   Right, there it is, "BUT." But  your see I struggle not to live with what comes after the but.  BUT he doesn't have a job.  BUT he still may not see a therapist.  BUT he may stop complying with meds and home expectations.  BUT he may obsess with his weight again or get off his sleep regime. BUT, BUT, BUT.

I am studying Luke 1:1-38 this morning and it tells how Zechariah and Mary both question the angel Gabriel after he declares the impossible plans God has for each of them.  Zechariah says "How can I be sure of this?" Mary says "How will this be."  My translations doesn't have the "but" at the beginning, however I hear it.  "But how can I be sure." "But how can this be." I read a book where the author talks about how we live after the "but." " I love your dress but your hair is a mess." "Thank you for washing the dishes but I wish you had swept the floor." The first part becomes void as all we can focus on is what comes after the "but".  I find myself in response to the question, " how is Peter ?" by saying , he is so much better but..... " The truth is I am more focused on what is yet to come, good or bad that I basically stamp VOID  on what has happened before. I find it interesting that both Zechariah and Mary questioned and yet it appears only Zechariah experienced the negative consequence as it appears for unbelief.  Maybe there is more to the story than what we see.  What we do know is that Mary is recorded as saying "I am the Lord's servant, May it be unto me as you have said."  Mary didn't understand how it would play out.  She couldn't see ahead nor did she understand how it would work.  Yet she yielded, saying "okay, I am with you, may it be as you say, I will trust  the Lord in what I cannot see." - the Linda translation.  

What I find also interesting is where "but" does appear in my translation of this passage.  When Zechariah is gripped with fear and Mary is troubled, the scriptures says "but the angel said to him/her .... "   According to this passage God through the angel speaks to Zechariah and Mary in their troubling thoughts.  It would appear that Zechariah chose to live before the "but" in his fear where Mary dwelt on what came after the but, the word of God.  And this requires trust.  I am gripped with fear and troubled over the future for Peter. I can chose to live there or I can chose to live in the truth of God's word. "But God." "But nothing is impossible with God." Luke 1:37

Thank you for your prayers through the past couple of weeks and many days, weeks, months, years before.  I do appreciate your continued prayers as we move forward.  Pray that I will be a wise mom not trying to control, but only advocating as God prompts.  Please pray for a job, wise friends, mental stability, counselor/therapist, spiritual awakening and safety for Peter.  With much gratitude.