Dear friends, thank you for praying and sending notes of encouragement even though information has been limited from this side. I have had little to share as I have not had much communication with Peter or the staff at the mental hospital where he is at. I have carried a mixed bag of emotions. On one hand it has been a relief to belief Peter is in a safe place and to have the house to myself. Yet on the other hand not knowing what was happening has had it's anxiety.
I did talk with Peter last Friday and could tell he was much better. I talked with a Doctor on Saturday that was also somewhat helpful. My attempts this week to talk with his case worker or Peter were unsuccessful up until tonight. Peter called and said they are saying he is going home tomorrow. He did say by the way things work around there it might be Friday but he did expect to be home by Friday.
Peter says he feels much better and I can hear it in his voice. I would be lying if I said I don't have tons of questions and concerns about his return. Peter was to have started a job at Amazon this past Sunday and of course had to cancel his start date. There is hope it is still available. One of my big concerns is that he was to work a 5:30 PM to 4 AM shift. Supported by conversation with my Naturopath I do not think the late night shifts are beneficial to his mental state. It will also affect what is his new medication regime. And his car currently does not have insurance etc. And I am going to want to "fix" those things and address them and Peter is not going to want to discuss them. Peter needs therapy and has in the past been unwilling. I can feel my anxiety level rise as I write this. And yes I have been listening to Max Lucado's book " Trading my anxiety for his calm" but I don't think its helping.
So I appreciate continued prayers for Peter and myself as well. I am grateful for the reprieve from the constant stress over Peter's mental state during the past 2 weeks. I am hopeful that some good things will come of this for Peter. I am hopeful that some insurance changes for next year will also be beneficial regarding his access to out patient care options. One of my great desires is that God will provide someone that can give Peter guidance that he will connect with and trust. He needs a psychiatrist that he trust and honestly not sure what we are to do moving forward - return to Dr B, stay with the Dr. from his current stay or seek out someone else. Its hard to know when Peter needs someone (me) to advocate and intervene on his behalf because he is not fully able and when he needs to be left to let the chips fall. It all feels so tricky.
I keep going back to the promise I believe God gave me when we started this journey in March - "This is not my battle to fight, it belongs to the Lord." But sometimes even when you don't fight a battle God calls you to do something, hold your hands up (Moses) or march around a wall (Joshua and the people at Jericho.) And even the disciples had to throw out the net before they could catch all those fish. So though I know in my head God will fight this battle, I can get caught up in worrying about "what am I suppose to do!!!" I know I take responsibility for a lot of things that are not mine to take. So you can pray for me in that regard.
Again, thank you for being willing to stand beside us in this journey with your love and prayers.
No comments:
Post a Comment