My friend Stu Coiner used to talk about how he had the gift of receiving. When you offered him something he always took it without the "you shouldn't have" or the akward conversation about having to give something back in return. He just gratefully and joyfully received. Honestly I think Stu had a great understanding of Grace and received it well.
I on the other hand am not so good about receiving. I don't like to ask and when given something , I have these uncomfortable feelings, something akin to embarrassment. For example someone sent me this generous monetary gift recently. It was very clearly God showing me he heard my cries and would take care of my needs. Yet toward those who gave it, I felt embarrassed, needy, and uncomfortable as if any expressions of gratitude wasn't enough. I felt as if surely others needed the money more and perhaps they should have given it to someone else. It's a weird and uncomfortable sensation.
This week I had a similar experience with God. This was a case where I had asked him for something and when he went way over the top doing something unexpected and wonderful, I was embarrassed. Honestly I don't fully understand it and struggle to explain it. On one hand I think I was embarrassed at my lack of faith, because though I expected him to be faithful I was also prepared to be disappointed And then I was embarrassed at the attention, why would God do that for ME. The world has NO shortage of needy people right now. I am not sure this makes sense to anyone else but I realize how much I limit God and his love and care for me.
Okay so you wish I would just get to my story, here it is.
Remember that Telephone doctors appointment for Peter with the Psychiatrist on Wednesday that I asked you to pray for? Well Peter WAS at the house when it was time. He was in a grouchy mood as we had just received word that our community was entering Shelter in Place. But when the phone call came in he took the phone. He left my presence but I heard his bold "and who am I talking too?" when he took the phone followed shortly by his "what if I told you I wasn't going to take any more medicine?" I went in my room to pray and perhaps 5 to 10 minutes later he handed me the phone. I then proceeded to have a 15 to 20 minute conversation with his Psychiatrist.
Dr Babalakin is an older, female, Nigerian, openly Christian Psychiatrist. She was not phased by Peter's responses and was very open and conversational with me, in spite of HIPPA. She wanted to wait until she met with Peter in person April 30th to prescribe medication. She agreed that she would have not given him the medication nor in a shot form as they had done at Laurelwood. Yet when I expressed concern for what if he should begin to have the Psychosis before his appointment, she prescribed an anti-psychotic so I would have it on hand. We had a short but fun little conversation about her Nigerian background and British training as well as Peter's own Ugandan roots. Dr. B (as she is known) was very personal. She arranged for Peter to have a therapy session via face-time with one of her Therapist in 2 weeks. Dr B midway through asked me if I was a Christian. She told me my homework was to be on my knees and concluded our conversation with prayer.
Right, WOW. Who would have thought.
We were given her as our follow up Psychiatrist upon leaving Laurelwood. I didn't pick her. And I don't need to go find anyone else (as I thought I might.) God early on told me I would not have to fight this battle, that this one was his. This experience was one of those demonstrations of that.
Peter has moved on to another store (Publix) in pursuit of a job. I actually pray it works out as he will go crazy at home and he has crazy expensive car insurance. He is appearing normal at this time but I wont lie that I am sort of waiting and watching to see what is next. HOWEVER I am asking God for healing, he is participating in the supplements at full strength per Ricardo (the Naturapath) and whatever befalls I can trust my Sovereign, Kind, and Loving God, right??!!!?? Exhibit A - Wednesday's Psychiatrist appointment!
Thank you. Thank you . Thank you. Your prayers encourage me. And I pray that in turn this story encourages you.
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