Light

I know I am very quick to tell you the hard things going on but don't always follow up with the positive.  That's not fair is it?  Thereflre I am taking just a minute this evening to tell you about some light shining in the dark today.

First we went to therapy early this morning and very quickly I knew we were in the right spot.  The therapist in charge of Peter's treatment works with a lot of young athletes specifically teens.  And I recognized early on that he views it as a kind of ministry.  The vibe of the whole rehab center is a peaceful one. There is evidence of Jesus there. It was also comforting when I recognized a therapist there as one of the men in my church. Peter's therapist told us Peter was currently pretty normal in his progress.  I saw him push Peter to do some things that I didn't think he was able.  And Peter seemed to gain a little more confidence.  He also was cooperative and "pleasant" at least pleasant  in regards to the Peter scale. Peter will go 2-3 times a week for about 3-4 months.  When he attends afternoons there will be a lot of other teen athletes in there as well and I see how this could be positive. I left there feeling much better about our current experience and very grateful for the upcoming interaction with this group of folks.

Second I had a man tell me today "how much he enjoyed meeting Peter," when he met with him yesterday. So now that is not something I often here.  Hobbling on crutches Peter went to meet with a man about some seasonal work starting in late November.  I was told about how Peter used football to make a connection and the enjoyable conversation they had.  I was told about how respectful and polite he was.  Wow.  And with this potential physical job, hopefully will come motivation for Peter to do the work to strengthen his knee.  

Thank you for your prayers.  These little events today have shed light and reminded me once again that God is for us and not against us.

Reality

The past two days have been "bottom days" in our home.  Those days that I hope are bottom and we are headed up because they were not good.  The reality of Peter having to be inconvenienced with a brace for a month or more, having to relearn to use his knee and being uncomfortable for an extended time has hit him and he has not taken it very well.  His decision Monday not to wear his brace (something he has to do) lead to our seeing the doctor yesterday instead of Thursday.  Stitches and bandages are gone but now remains a swollen knee in a brace that doesn't want to move easily.  We go for a Physical Therapy (PT) eval tomorrow morning.  The group we are going to are Sports Meds guys and though not covered by our insurance, they are providing a rate that is possible.  They are suppose to be the very experienced especially with teenage athletes.

Peter is not fun to deal with and I am not doing it well at times.  Please pray for him in this. Not sure even exactly how to pray.  He seems to lack motivation and perseverance.  He certainly struggles with acceptance.  Ultimately my desire is for him to recognize God's goodness in this.  I think it is safe to say he is pretty angry right now.  And as always I pray for people to reach out and his ability to receive. And do pray for my attitude. (NOT that I have patience though! We know what that usually means!) I do want to handle his moods well but often my own gets in the way.

This Saturday is mom's 80th birthday - yeah mom!  The following Saturday is Peter's 18th. We have planned a trip to St Simons Island for the long weekend over Peter's birthday. The plan is for Mom, Dad, Peter and myself to go as I have rented a house,  This is mom's trip but due to school break for Peter, it is his birthday weekend.  He has been invited but I confess I am kind of nervous based on his current attitude. I want this to be a fun trip for mom as this is a place she has wanted to go for many years but has never been. I am praying for a peaceful trip ( even if that means Peter stays behind.) My desire is that we can all go and have a pleasant trip.

I am always grateful for your interest, concern, and prayers regarding me and my family.

And yes tomorrow marks what would have been Larry's 52nd birthday.  I have a crazy busy day and won't be able to celebrate it with my folks.  I appreciate your prayers for them as days like this always are just a bit harder.

Day 3 Post Op

So Peter and I are in day three of recovery phase.  I think the "blues" have hit us both.  I can see it in his face and feel it in my own body.  We are  done with the ice pack contraption and some meds.  I am still administering pain meds and doing a lot of "getting this and that."  And trying to encourage him to do the prescribed exercises.

My biggest concern is Peter's halfheartedness about the exercises he is to be doing daily.  He is not doing any weight bearing on the leg either which he should be. He just says it hurts. Which no doubt it does.  I keep telling him how important it is to do them but get minimal response.  Then whenever I mention to others that he is not wanting to do the exercises, they are like "oh he has to or it will be worse,"  and then my anxiety increases.  I feel as if I am failing my responsibility cause I can't make him do it.  Somehow I feel like I should be able to and I am failing because I am not.  (This is a common theme with Peter and me.)

So please pray for Peter to have the internal motivation to do what he needs to to get his knee working again.  Pray that he will push through the pain.  I do not have much power of influence with Peter - at least not through my words.  So if there is something I need to DO to motivate I need God to show and empower me. (And while being open and transparent, I ask you please not to offer me suggestions - that only stirs up my anxiety.) Pray for God to show me.  And if there is someone else who could be motivational to Peter (and I have no idea who that would be as his social base is so small) pray that that person would enter the picture.

This experience is going to make us both stronger but at the moment it has us both feeling pretty kicked to the ground in weakness.

A New Experience with Peter

So I never came home from the hospital with a newborn.  But last night I couldn't help but wonder if I now had a better idea of what that might feel like.  After a day at the hospital, the staff sent me home with my son whose leg was all bandaged up and useless, an electric ice pack contraption and a list of instructions saying "good luck."  And I had this glazed over look in my eye with this great sense of " I am not sure I can do this - what if I mess up?!"

Currently we are 12 hours in and we seem to be surviving thus far.  I am keeping the ice contraption running, Peter is able to get around a bit with the crutches and I have yet to miss a dose of the ever important pain meds. Peter is asleep at the moment so not sure exactly what will occur when he wakes. Can I just say Peter and I are not particularly touchy feely. He does not like being hugged and whether for right or wrong I do not push the issue.  And though I interact with him daily, it wasn't until I tried to help my woosy, hobbling "baby boy" into the house that I realized just how tall and muscular he was.  It actually was a bit comical.

So for those of you who like details, here is a brief summary.  We went to the hospital at noon yesterday for a surgery scheduled at 2:07.  Peter didn't head to OR until about 2:20 and I think it was closer to 3 before I was notified that they had started.  I saw the doctor around 4:30.  He said that the meniscus was not torn but he had definitely blown out the ACL and they successfully repaired it. The fact that the Meniscus was not torn will hopeful make recovery a little easier. I saw Peter around 6. He was pretty miserable but wanted to make sure we were still going to pick up Chinese on the way home.  It had been a long time since he had eaten. His blood pressure was a bit high so we had to wait a little longer to be released.  By 7:30 we were on our way home.  

I confess I was in denial because I kept talking like I would be back at work today (Thursday.) That is until I saw him, the ice contraption (needed for the next 48 hours) and the list of instructions.  So I am home today and we will see about tomorrow.  Peter is not a talker and certainly doesn't express his feelings. However I could tell he was a bit anxious prior to surgery.  I am so proud of him though.  He handled the needles (he hates needles) and being told what to do by the hospital staff pretty well(he doesn't handle being told what to do very well either.)  The revealing moment was when I secretly attempted to take his picture in the hospital bed to send to mom, he caught me and made sure that didn't happen.  He said "I don't want anyone to see me weak." I found that statement revealing.  So as he was trying to get in the house he said "mom I am so weak" and I knew that was big for him to admit it. Peter's weakness is going to be pretty evident as he goes to school and rehab etc.  My prayer is God will use this in his life.

So as a consolation gift I ordered Cable TV so he can watch football at home.  I am always trying to save money and our brains from too much technology input so we tend to have limited "viewing" options.  But due to Peter's love for football, his lame leg, and well for my own selfish reasons we are bringing in Cable at least for football season.  So at least we have the Cable TV installation to look forward to today.

Thanks for your many prayers and your interest in us and our journey.  

Peter ....

I apologize for the delayed update.  It has taken two weeks to get the MRI done and have a follow up appointment.  

Today we met with doctor number two.  (FYI I am told that the doctors we have been dealing with are some of the best sports medicine doctors around.  A nurse told me that today's doctor -the surgeon - works with the Atlanta Falcons.) Dr. V told us that Peter does have a torn ACL as well as a torn meniscus. The double whammy to Peter's knee makes surgery a little more urgent than I had anticipate.  We left the doctor's office with surgery scheduled for Wednesday September 21.  It is an out patient surgery that will put Peter out of school for just a few days (hopefully.)  Surgery will be followed by use of a brace and physical therapy. Thus far my state subsidized insurance for Peter has covered the expenses.  Due to the nature of the injury and based on past experience I am hopeful that it will continue to cover the majority of Peter's medical costs. 

This is certainly not what I would have wished for but I have already seen God using this. Peter was removed from his PE class and put in a Comparative Religions class.  The teacher of that class is one I had been praying all summer that Peter could have (based on recommendations of others.) I confess this has an impact on my life and schedule that I would not have asked for.  But I am choosing to trust that God will use this for both Peter's good and my own.

As you think of us over the next months I appreciate your prayers:

• For the doctor's as they repair Peter's knee September 21st (time yet determined.)
• For Peter to be cooperative and serious about the physical therapy that will follow surgery.
• That the surgery and time away from school will not hinder Peter's grades and ability to graduate in May. (He put himself in a pickle and has tough classes this year that he has to pass.)
• For Peter and my relationship through this process.
• For my attitude about the "inconvenience" and change of plans that have had to be made.
• God's working in Peter's heart through this.
• God's provision for the medical expenses.

Thank you for your expressed concerns and prayers.  As I said, this wasn't on my wish list but I trust God to use this and chose to be grateful for it.