Two Weeks Later

So it was pointed out that I am a bit of a "crisis blogger." I tend to post often in a crisis.  It is true. We might even say I am a bit of a bi-polar blogger in that I tend to be writing silly stupid stuff OR in a crisis. So as you might guess with my silence this week, there has been no major crisis nor moments of euphoria.

I have had some folks ask about Dad and I do want to give an update.  Dad continues to ride the roller coaster between very reasonably sane and crazy confused.  And even at that, you aren't always sure which is which.  He had some really good days then was sick the early part of last week.  Dad started to feeling better at the end of the week.  He was given the go ahead to go home this coming Tuesday. However Tuesday isn't soon enough and for some reason this weekend seems to have two Saturdays and two Sundays. Currently he is kind of pathetic.  We are hoping that going home will help the roller coaster flatten out towards the reasonably sane side. The Physical therapist say Dad is progressing well regarding his knee replacement. 

Part of my silence this week has to do with not knowing what to say.  Grief is such a weird animal.  I find it hard to put it all into words.  Things are back to the way the were and yet they are not.  Life moves forward.  Truthfully the physical routines of my life have not been highly impacted by Larry's death.  Sundays were my day to visit him.  I checked on him occasionally throughout the week via mom. Yet my life routine did not revolve around him. So there is this thought that goes through my head that my life shouldn't feel so affected. I know that isn't true or reasonable but the thought is there. And  yet with his death, the loss has settled around like a fog.  I am trying to do what needs to be done at work and yet the zeal and passion that usually propel me forward it lacking.  I have lots of projects at home that I want to do yet just can't find the energy.  I have a pretty busy life and well I feel like I have no time for grief.  But since I don't have a choice I guess I will have to figure it out.  I wish that I would grieve in a neat and orderly manner. There are times that seem "appropriate" for crying and yet there are no tears.  Then there are times like when the Charter guy on the phone ask how he can help  and I burst into tears. It isn't the nice and tidy grieving I would like.  I guess grief isn't a nice and tidy animal.