Changing my perceptions

Perception determines our feelings which leads to our actions.

Recently this idea was presented to me.  We feel based on how we perceive something. Then we tend to act or react based on how we feel.  I have been pondering this ever since.  I have been writing down perceptions or "truths" that I have adopted.  Even as I write them, I know many are false but none the less they are perceptions that I function by.  I am beginning to see the feelings that they result in and the actions that I take in an effort to control feelings based on whether I like them or not.  I have been challenged to and trust that I will continue to look at my perceptions in light of truth.

One of the perceptions that I have (and know is false) is the idea that "Life should be fair. Burdens/grief/difficulties should be distributed proportionally."  Like I said, I learned at an early age that "Life is not fair," but it doesn't mean that I still don't think it should be.  If I am experiencing a heavy load, I tend to feel cheated.  If it is another person, I feel guilt and grief.  And because of other perceptions I have, this often leads me to feel I need to do something about it.  I know it is kind of twisted.  I know it is not truth, but none the less it is how I have been functioning for a long time.  

This particular thought has been in the forefront recently. Peter has experienced more suffering and difficulties than it seems that one kid should have.  And now he has been removed from his school that is familiar and put in a new unknown and very different environment.  In my perception, it does not seem fair.  Please do not hear me wrong.  I know without doubt that Peter is where he needs to be.  None the less because of my "fairness" issues, I tend to feel great grief and at times guilt for what he is experiencing.  I am not saying this is right, just saying that it is what I feel.  My brother who has suffered much physically in his life seems to also have had more than his fair share of difficulties.  He has just about regained his independence following his broken hip in April.  However this Tuesday he will undergo major surgery due to a new medical condition that has been discovered. How this effects my parents, also does not seem fair. This conflicts with my false perception that life should be fair.  What  often tends to surface is a mix of  frustrating emotions and actions

I look at my own situation and confess that it does not fit my perception of challenges being distributed evenly.  Currently I am adjusting to the empty nest, concerned for my family regarding  Larry's upcoming surgery and recovery, and facing job challenges and changes with both my preschool job and my second job. I also need to make some decisions about schooling in order to keep my certification to teach preschool.  It is not necessarily "bad stuff" but it is a lot of changes happening at once.  I find based on my perception, that I can feel resentful that I am dealing with challenges in so many areas of life.  

So what is the truth.  The truth is that there is nothing in the bible about life being fair. Really there is absolutely nothing fair about Christ who was without sin dying on the cross for my sin.  There is a lot of scripture that supports the idea that God is faithful and he will carry us when we are weak.  Scripture also speaks the truth that suffering is something that God uses to do his mighty work. (Hebrews 2:10) God works things that I consider to not be fair for the good of those who chose to trust him. (Romans  8:28)  My desire is to take this head knowledge and make it the truth by which I truly believe and perceive the world around me.