The Happy Ending

So many of you read the blog by receiving it via e-mail.  Often that email is delayed.  I wrote a blog post last evening that according to my email account has not shown up yet.  If that is so, this blog post will likely appear in the email before last nights.  In that case you are getting the happy ending now.

My COVID 19  test was negative.  Hallelujah, thanking Jesus!!!

I still feel yucky but relieved to know I don't have to deal with all the ramifications of testing positive.  I am praying and trusting whatever is going on with my body will relent soon so I can get back to work.  I am anxious to be with my summer kids during our last week together while getting ready for my new batch of littles to arrive this coming Monday.

Again full of gratitude!!!!

Is it Covid????

I have debated all day as to whether or not to write about this.  Its kind of like admitting you might have leprosy.  You see, I have not felt well for a few days and had a COVID-19 test today and am awaiting results.

My symptoms aren't the ones most commonly thought of but they definitely fall into the Corona Virus  list.  In my search of solutions to not feeling well, I went back to my friends at Urgent Care and got some more frequent flyer miles and another Z-pack.  The doctor couldn't tell me it was or wasn't COVID 19.  He said it was likely some kind of virus was causing my sinus drainage.  But once again lungs are good, heart good, and no fever so if it was COVID it was a mild case.  

This morning although the Zpack  was helping the sinus inflammation, my body and joint aches were increasing so I decided I needed to make sure it wasn't the dreaded "Rona" virus.  Although it was comforting to have yesterday's doctor say if it was the Corona virus, it was mild, I wasn't comforted.  Although physical discomfort and pain are not pleasant, it is all the other implications that make this so ominous. 

IF I get a positive result I have to stay out of work at least 2 weeks and until I have a negative test result.  This is my last week of Summer and next week is my first week with the new kids. It increases the work load for others at my job. It puts the threat of their own exposure from my presence last week at the forefront. There are several people I have been with over the past few days that at most could be infected and at the least have to endure testing and waiting. Their awaiting test can effect those person's ability to go to work.  

With most virus, you stay home until well, then you go back to work. It has small rippling effects.  Because COVID 19 has become a media star, having it  causes tidal waves.  If you have a positive test there are protocol for what you can and can't do as well as for those around you. Again I don't fear having "COVID 19," I fear all that it will dictate.  This may seem like I am trivializing the seriousness of this illness and the number who have suffered or even died.  It is not my intent.  I am just expressing my current thoughts on the matter as it relates to my little world.

The physical pains and symptoms I am currently having are real.  Something is going on with my body.  Yet these symptoms are not totally new to me.  I don't know the cause but as I think I have shared before, I often have symptoms that when checked by a doctor, are found to be nothing.  I feel things strongly and evidently have a low pain tolerance.  I am hoping this is one of those cases.  Yet the Eeyore in me says , "just you wait this time it will be real, you will have a real live illness!"

Therefore I decided to share this with you.  I am at the place of telling myself I trust God whatever the outcome yet I am not above asking God for what I want.  I am praying that my test show negative for COVID 19 as well as those close to me will be spared from possible infection and the chaos of testing and waiting.  And I am not above asking you to pray that as well.  

 

help with blogger

So you might have noticed recently I keep having highlighted sections in my post.  This is not intentional.  Tends to happen if I past something in but not even sure why it happened in the last one where I didn't think I did.  I have played around and can't figure out how to make it not look so choppy.  If anyone out there has blogger experience and a suggestion, I would be grateful to know.  Sorry to readers when if harder to read.  I am trying to fix!

Mouth Wide Open

It is late Saturday morning and I am sitting on my porch swing.  I should be well on my way into errands and chores etc but I am not.  I stayed up late reading, slept late and I wanted to start my day with some coffee on my porch swing and an attempt at bible reading.  However I have become distracted  and an hour later with not much bible study done I am still sitting on the swing.  I am mesmerized by a nest on the porch and the activity around it.

For many years now, some birds have built a nest on the top of one of my porch pillars.  This past spring a bird pair came in building its usual nest bringing activity of anticipation.  I noticed pretty quickly that the activity ceased and thus concluding that things must not have worked out.  A month or two later I realized that new tenants had come in and "flipped the nest" adding extensions.  I begin to notice a pair of birds coming and going.  This was a different type of bird.  I don't remember who I though the usual occupants had been but through discussion with mom and a couple of others the current owners  appear to be house wrens. For the past few days I noticed the intensity of activity around the nest was increasing.  Last night during a porch gathering with a couple of friends, we concluded there were babies, definitely two maybe three.

This morning I have been watching the activity from my swing.  Every so often an adult bird flies in with something in the beak, stays a minute or so and leaves.  I have heard a fair amount of chatter from the nearby bushes as well as from the nest. What has me entranced though is what happens when the adults are gone.  I am not certain how many babies remain today but I know there is at least one.  This is because I keep seeing this one little bird head with mouth wide open hanging out of the nest, waiting.  For a bit he will pop down into the nest and then here comes again with that wide open beak.

                     

So even as I have been writing, mom and dad are coming in with provisions.  I do think my presence on the swing may be causing a bit of anxiety.  I have also identified with the parentals arrival that there are at least two babies actively partaking in the feeding frenzy. I wish you could hear the chatter going on around me as I sit here watching.

It is fascinating.  The thing that strikes me is this one little baby bird who sits there with mouth open in anticipation even when the parents aren't near.  Maybe he can hear them but for all appearance you have this little bird, mouth wide open just waiting in great expectation.  I hear the line of that praise song in my head, "hear I am Lord, mouth wide open."  Then I realize I think the words are arms wide open and I giggle.  

I keep thinking about Jesus' words in Matthew 6:26 "Look at the birds of the air: they do not sow or reap or store away in barns and yet your heavenly father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they."  Then I find myself wondering what that baby bird is thinking.  Is he worried?  Is he anxious about the next parental visit with food? Or is he just doing what he is suppose to do, waiting expectantly, mouth wide open trusting it will come.

I am inspired by my little bird friends, especially the one who seems to be practically hanging out of the nest without fear, mouth wide open, even when food is not in site.  The little bird isn't looking for something in the nest to eat.  He isn't counseling with the other babies about what to do if mom and dad don't show up.  He is simply ready and waiting with great expectation.  I wonder what it would look like if I lived that way?  If instead coming up with plan B's and looking around in my little limited world for provisions, if I was always looking out and up waiting upon the Lord Jesus Christ to give me what I need for the next moment.

2020

I have come to the conclusion that the year 2020 is not going to come out without a bad reputation.  My friend and I were recently talking about how it was destined to become a swear word.  One day 2020 may get bleeped out of television and kids may get their mouths washed out for shouting out "2020" at their parents  So when the same friend sent me this following meme, I laughed out loud.

"2020 is gonna be a synonym for "crazy" for the rest of time:

'yo, my man over there is a little ...you know...2020.'

'I gained control of the car for a moment, your honor, and then things went 2020.'

So...last week I broke a tooth.  Now that would be daunting enough but keep in mind, this is the year 2020.  I broke my tooth on a Thursday evening, just after 5 pm.  My dentist is closed on Fridays.  But this wasn't just a Thursday night, this was the Thursday night before my dentist went on his week long vacation.  Therefore I am having to wait almost 2 weeks to get in to see my dentist. Now the upside is other than feeling weird, it doesn't hurt nor is it in the visible portion of my mouth.  For both I am grateful.

Back in the early days of this Pandemic, I remember seeing an article on social media connecting the year 2020 with the term 20/20 for perfect vision.  Honestly I can't recall any of what the article said but I often think about the connection of this year, crazy as it feels with perfect vision.

I do not physically have 20/20 vision.  Since childhood I have needed corrective lenses.  Then in 1999 I had Lasik surgery and received 20/20 vision.  Technically I think it was even better than that.  During my seven plus years in Uganda I lived with 20/20 vision  but shortly after returning home I realized I was struggling to read the clock.  So it began with a simple pair of far sighted corrective lenses.  Then those pesky medicine bottles were becoming a problem and I transitioned into bifocals.  Presently I have graduated to Progressive lenses and without them the tiny, up close and the larger, further away is all rather fuzzy and hard to interpret.  I know you don't need to know my vision history but I say this to express that I know what it is to have really clear daily vision as well as to be constantly living in that fuzzy zone of not sure what I am looking at.  

When physical vision is unclear, the immediate world in front of you can be scary and unsettling.  Yet corrective lenses have the power to restore clarity.  And it is amazing what one can do with restored vision.  I find the concept of bifocals or even progressive bifocal lenses fascinating.  Clarity is all based on which part of the lenses you look out of at a specific point.  Sometimes I may have my glasses on and still not be able to see well.  What I discover is that they either need readjusting or cleaned.

Currently I am working through a 6 week bible study on Colossians.  I think I am on week 4 but I have been at it for about 7 weeks now.  And no it is not because I am savoring and digesting, it is because I am undisciplined and easily distracted.  None the less I find myself currently at the beginning of Colossians 3 where I have been chewing on verses 1 and 2.  "Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.  Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things."  The Message translations reads like this, "So if you're serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it.  Pursue the things over which Christ presides.  Don't shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you.  Look up and be alert to what is going on around Christ - that's where the action is.  See things from his perspective."

In context, the church at Colossae had people telling them the different things they needed to do or not do to be spiritual.  And in the previous verses Paul tells them Christian living is not about following a list of do's and don'ts.  So essentially in these verses, I think Paul is telling them the christian life it is about seeing things through the corrective lenses of Christ and acting upon that.  My Wycliff commentary interpreted our hearts as our will so we are to set our will, our intent and decisions based on the perspective of Christ. 

So in this crazy time of the year 2020, how am I to live?  How do I respond to a child with schizophrenia and all it brings?  How do I respond to a bum knee and a broken tooth?  How do I respond to the isolation, social distancing brings those I care about? How do I respond to the protocols of mask, 6 feet apart and hand washing?  How do I respond to racial conflict?  How do I respond to government imposed regulations? How do I respond to constant fear? How do I respond to my own fight and flight responses?  How do I live with 20/20 vision in 2020 and beyond?

Based on Pauls words in Colossians 3, I think it is by looking at every situation through the corrective lenses of  Jesus Christ via his word and the power of the indwelling Holy Spirit. This allows us to move forward in the moment with confidence. If I look at the struggles of the past month through my limited earthly vision, it is fuzzy, unclear and scary.  But if I filter it through the lenses of the truth that Christ has redeemed me from this fallen world and my reality is eternal life with him, that which is earthly unclear isn't quite so scary. And in response I can act and live in a manner that defies fear and brings glory to my Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ. 

Chronicles of a Hypochondriac

You may have laughed at my references to my plight as a hypochondriac.  But honestly it is exhausting.  I have not researched it nor have I analyzed my own condition too deeply but I guess that it is really about fear.  When something doesn't seem right physically I begin to think of what it will cost financially or how I will be unable to take care of myself or others. And what usually drives me to google for research or a medical facility is the fear of what suffering it will cause me and others if I don't do something.  It's crazy yet not easy to just snap out of.  I live in a tug of war of trust and fear when it comes to my physical health. 

According to my doctor at the annual physical last week, I am in really good health.  Other than a slightly elevated blood pressure which seemed reasonable with the stress of late, my doctor declared that the stats show I am really healthy.  Yet none the less, it is a week later and I have battled with several incidents of fear that something is wrong and I am irresponsible and negligent not to do something.  I will say it again, it is exhausting.  Add to that living in a Pandemic, it is wearing to say the least.   I  don't watch a lot of the news.  It is not because I do not care nor want to live informed but too much disease and disaster can render me unable to function

With this information imagine my anxiety when a higher than normal curb in Franklin Tennessee sends me flying across the sidewalk and landing smack on my right knee.  My first thought was that I had damaged my driving knee and how was I going to get home to Gainesville 4 hours away.  Then I was thinking what if I can't work at the preschool because I am on crutches.  This was quickly followed by the thoughts that I had invested money in virtual runs and I am not going to complete my mileage!!!  Fortunately although these were the thoughts in my head, I managed to call out to my friend across the street to come help me investigate the damage.  When Dora reached me and I told her I fell on my leg she looked at my protruding  ankle and said "oh no did you hurt your ankle?"  That made me laugh because the protruding ankle is just how God made me yet people often ask if I broke it.  I had some scrapes and my knee was screaming but I was able to stand up.  Long story not quite so long, I got to my car where that little first aid kit in the glove box came in handy.  I patched up my knee and thanks to a kind deli waitress, iced my swollen knee while eating lunch.  We didn't let my bummed knee dampen our visit but it did make me a little more sedentary in my approach to the weekend.

My knee is still sore, swollen, and working on a new color palette but I was able to drive home with no issues and worked today with little discomfort or complications.  I did consult a friend with a medical background and I am taking precautions as well as have plans if healing does not seem to be progressing.    I am grateful that the moment that seemed like it might be life altering, has had less of an impact than I imagined at the time.  As I have reflected, I have been so grateful for  a variety of things.  First of all I am grateful for that iced coffee I was carrying.  If I had not been working so hard to keep from spilling it on my white shirt, I may have tried to break my fall with my hands and broken bone in my hand or arm.  That certainly would have been costly and a challenge to getting home.  By the way I didn't get a drop of coffee on my white shirt. I am also grateful to the kind Air B&B hostess who kept me supplied with ice bags and Ibuprofen.  Because I couldn't venture out on a long run while Dora was at the wedding, I read a book and hung out on the porch at the Air B&B.  Rest is a good thing.

Today I am thinking  this knee injury may not be the crisis I thought it was when it happened Saturday.  That is good because I am well occupied with that tickle in my throat and that slight cough I had earlier.

Friday Update on Monday

I keep thinking one day I really am going to write the update on Friday.  But once again it wasn't this week.  

Lets start with mom.  She seems to be doing pretty well.  She hasn't ventured out in her car yet but is walking in the neighborhood and even down to the community mailbox.  Her appetite is returning, she is reading again and started back to tackling some small projects.  This upcoming month is basically doctor appointment free.  It is so good to see things settle into a more normal routine.

Peter's car went back to the shop a week ago Sunday after breaking down on his way home from work Saturday night.  I give the dad and daughter duo at Medina a lot of credit for working so hard to make things right.  Due to a death in their family there was some delay but today we put Peter back on the road in his car.  I am hopeful.  And extremely nervous and antsy over his car working and Peter safely driving it.

Peter's follow up with our naturopath Ricardo was good.  There is evidence that the supplements have made some improvement in brain function as well as Peter's overall health looks good.  There was some good discussion about the impact sleep has on the brain.  Peter has really bad sleeping habits.  We were able to reduce one of the supplements (yeah for the budget) and Peter will be re-accessed in three months.

I started feeling more like my normal self as well and even got back to running last week. On Friday I adventured to Franklin Tennessee to meet up with my friend Dora.  She was attending a wedding and offered for me to explore Franklin with her and stay in the Air B&B farm loft with her all while we socially distanced.  It was a great little excursion.  The You Pick farm where we stayed was peaceful and the hostess absolutely delightful.  And as always it was fun to catch up with Dora. 

Thanks for caring and praying for us.  It means a lot.