Asking for Help

This evening as I was crawling into bed, Peter came to me and said he needed help.  He said he was really depressed, was having suicidal thoughts and needed to go to Laurelwood (the mental hospital he was at before.)  This starts with going to the Emergency Room so that is what we did. They took Peter back pretty quickly and I was not allowed because it was after the visiting hours for the Behavior Health Unit.  I refused to leave until I could talk to someone to tell them some history and meds specifics. I waited about an hour and was finally told I could go home and they would call me.  I did get a call as walking to the car and am grateful for the intake nurse Britney who gracious listened and talked with me on the phone for over 25 minutes.  She was going to talk with the doctor and recommend that Peter be admitted and his medication be reconsidered. Currently she said there were not any beds at Laurelwood so he may have to go to another facility unless something might open up tomorrow.

In the past my prayer request has been that Peter would be able to stay at Laurelwood due to its great convenience.  (It is a mile from our house.)  This time my prayer is that Peter will go where he is going to get the best help. Last week Peter had a video appointment with the Doctor in which she spent 3 minutes with him, said she would see him in three months and did not ask for any input from me.  I thus began really praying for someone to step in and see that Peter's current situation was not okay.  He had not been saying much and had moments in which he seemed ok, but I have felt he was depressed and certainly not in a good place for some time now.  Therefore I am so grateful he has asked for help.  My prayer is that he will be able to get it.  Thank you for joining me in this.

 "If we do what God says, we will be surprised by joy." - Sue Sanders

While in Washington this September, my friend Sue and I talked for hours upon hours.  I often had a small notebook handy to write down her many words of wisdom along with other historic facts Ron was sharing and recipes.  A theme that ran through many of my notes was about obedience to God.  Often this is a topic that makes me bristle.  I am not sure exactly why because I tend to be a rule follower.  Perhaps because I often associate suffering with obedience.  The above statement is one of the first things I wrote in my notebook and throughout conversations with Sue and reflections upon my own life, I realized the truth in it.  

During one of my discussions with Sue, whose involvement with BSF has spanned somewhere around 50 years, I admitted that I was not planning to do BSF this coming year,  I said it with a bit of fear and trembling and a fair amount of embarrassment.  After years of involvement in BSF and serving as a teaching leader in Uganda for 7 years I, I have spent the past 5 years as a class member in a Satellite group that met at my church.  In spite of the convenience of location and comfort of friends in the group, I was a terrible class member.  I was late or I missed class.  I rarely had a completed lesson.  I wasn't faithful to pray for prayer request.  I didn't attend lectures or read my notes.  However with the option to watch the lecture on line and listen to the notes via audio, this past year I was a better participant in those areas.  If the group had larger attendance I found I was more reluctant to share. A cloud of shame followed my participation in BSF and I had concluded it was time to do something else though I wasn't sure exactly what.

Therefore I was a bit hesitant when I told Sue.  Her response was "of course you shouldn't be a class member in BSF.  You should be teaching a bible study." With the fear and cloud lifted, I told Sue how for a couple of years I had felt like I should be leading a bible study for some of the twenty somethings I work with at the day school..  Fear and uncertainty had kept me from doing anything about it.  Sue gave me encouragement and a plan. I returned home knowing what I needed to do but struggling to set it in motion.

After about 2 weeks of hesitation yet feeling the strong conviction I was suppose to do something, I finally blurted out to this young co-worker, "I have been thinking about having a bible study, would you be interested in coming?" Alyssa is this very shy 20 year old whom I don't really know that well and when her face lit up and she said "yes," I was surprised and elated.  It was more than a week later before I got up the nerve to approach my 22 year old classroom co-worker with a similar question.  Her response was that of questions, "when, where, who, and can I bring my puppy." I was not bolstered with a lot of confidence by her response.  Therefore it was quite a surprise when within a couple of days she had invited another girl, who invited two more and they figured out a time and day we could meet.  Next thing I knew, I had 5 girls  planning to start a bible study at my house on Monday nights.

Except for one girl who had to miss the first night, for four weeks these five young ladies have been coming to my house to learn how to do homiletics as we have worked through the book of Philippians, one chapter at  a time.  What started as the plan of a concentrated one hour of real bible study has turned into about an hour and a half  of bible discussion with my often having to gently send them off an hour or so later so I can go to bed.  Ranging from 20 to 27 years old these ladies represent a real variety in ethnic, social and church backgrounds. They are friends forged from working together at school and I love to see the unity in diversity sitting on my front porch.  We started on the porch but the time change and colder weather sent us inside this week.

The best way to describe this experience is to go back to the statement I started this story with.  Oh the surprise of joy this reluctant step of obedience has brought me.  I am surprised by their eagerness to come.  When I asked if they wanted to take a week off before we started doing homiletics on the gospel of John and  they said "no, lets meet next week."  They seem excited though slightly nervous to start doing homiletics on the passage before coming on Mondays.  Thus far we have been walking through it together.  They seem to want to hang out with me, twice their age, and that really surprises me.  Leading them is keeping me committed to doing my homiletics and being prepared.  And I love being able to teach and share truth with them. This little step of obedience, this gathering of young women at my home, has truly surprised me with it's joy,

God sets the lonely in family Ps 68:6

So I am not lonely nor did I grow up lonely.  I grew up feeling very loved and wanted. However I did grow up in a small family with extended relatives physically far away and thus not knowing them very intimately.  My immediate family never extended very far as neither my brother nor I married.  Peter has been a gift in extending our family by his adoption yet he is a bit solitary in his life currently as well.  At this point my immediate family consist of Mom, Peter and me. My estate lawyer says in his business, I am at the advantage to not haves siblings to squabble with.  However when I compare myself to those Holiday commercials or friends with big family gatherings I have always felt a bit "lonely."

Thus, this verse in Psalms 68 has  been one of my favorites for a long time.  It says: "But may the righteous be glad and rejoice before God:  may they be happy and joyful. Sing to God, sing in praise of his name. extol him who rides on the clouds; rejoice before him - his name is the Lord. A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing." Psalm 68: 3-6a

I have seen God set me in families in so many ways such to give me the big extended family I often have longed for.  I could list several different ways but at this time I want to share one specific.  When I graduated from college I went to work at Camp Willow Run not knowing what I would do when summer ended.  I quickly connect with some of the full time staff and in a fun turn of events was invited to stay and work through the winter, temporarily.  That temporary job ended up lasting 7 years to the day of my arrival.  I was a single twenty-something living in a train box car on the lake far from my parent's home.  And there God put me in a family.  I was part of the Camp Willow Run full time staff family.  And within that group I also became parts of individual families, the Harris Family, the Moore Family, the Crawley Family, and the Adam's Family.  Thirty years later these families remain an important part of my life.

A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to be with part of this extended family at Camp Willow Run and neighboring Camp Willow Springs. The above picture show the two couples who I always say "raised me" in my twenties. On the left is Beth and Keith Moore who was the Camp Director at the time and Kevin and May Adams who was the Assistant Camp Director and still work at CWR.  The picture is missing another lady who highly influenced my life during this time, Marysue Crawley.  Marysue was the Food Service Director I worked along side and suggested to Keith I stay on beyond the summer.  Marysue  died 10 years ago and left a empty spot in our family. 

I have maintained particularly close relationship with the Adam's family over the years. The babies (4 of them) who I helped raise are now married raising their own babies.  I have had the privilege of helping to coordinate the wedding of all three daughters and helping with the rehearsal dinner for the son.  Now I am holding their babies and playing with their little children. This past trip all the whole family was gathered as we married off the last child.  And it wasn't just the last child, it was my goddaughter and namesake with whom I share a middle name.  Pretty big stuff.  

I could go on and on about the details of the wedding and how we went from a raining rehearsal day to a beautiful wedding day.  Instead I will just share a few favorite pictures.  It was a beautiful day.  The setting and décor was gorgeous.  But the best part for me is these people, my family.  It was being with people who have claimed me as one of there own when they didn't have too.  And not just the Adam's family but other families intertwining with theirs that I have been made a part of.   Sometimes it did feel like a Hallmark  Holiday Commercial and I got to be part of it!

Living close to Anna allowed me the fun adventure of traveling to wedding with these two cuties.

We were very excited to see May May!!!

Patrick was my 25th birthday present and I am beyond impressed with this man!

Camp Willow Spring Dining Hall for the reception.

Wedding at neighboring Camp Willow Springs Outdoor Chapel

Kelsey and her boys

Anna with the littlest wedding party member.

Haley Kay and her dad.

The kitchen where I was first adopted into the Camp Willow Run family.

The big family send off breakfast in CWR Dining Hall.

Some of my babies' babies (4 of the 6) that I think are fantastic!!

Loading up the cars, laughter and tears, very "Hallmark - ish"

The List

So tonight I am sending the prayer list I didn't include last time.  There won't be a lot of elaboration due to the call of the dishes and a shower.  But then you know me, its hard for me NOT to elaborate.

1. Peter needs a job.  Preferable one not too far from home.

2. Peter needs a therapist.  We meet with one possibility October 14.  I have also reached out to a local counseling center through the college down the street from our house based on the recommendation of someone I liked but couldn't afford. 

3.  Peter was willing to address one personal issue a couple weeks ago with a therapist or group.  He needs to still be willing by the time we get someone lined up.

4. Peter's birthday is tomorrow and I hope our birthday dinner  tomorrow night will be pleasant.

5. I need to know how to handle things when Peter runs out of money and/or can't pay me the money for his phone bill due in a week and a half.

6. That Peter won't disturb my bible study this coming Monday evening as I have 4 really cute 20 something girls coming to my home.  Preferably he will have a job or sleep through it.

7. For this bible study God has been prompting me to start for 2 years and he amazingly had these girls organize when I was finally was willing to simply suggest it.

8. I have been offered an opportunity at some part time work.  It is something I am excited about doing but requires some classes. I am not a great student.  Because it will be self employment it will also require some financial help.  I think I may need an accountant.  I will share more at another time, like if and when it really happens but for now no it's not a Pyramid scheme nor Color Street Nails.

9. I am headed to NC do direct my Goddaughter's wedding next weekend.  There is talk of a hurricane.  Two years ago I drove through a hurricane to help with her brother's rehearsal dinner.  I would prefer not to do that again. 

10.  For Peter to take his meds and be safe especially while I am away.

Okay that is more than enough.  If led, you can pick and choose one or more.  I am grateful and encouraged.  Thank you.

Peter

 So this one comes from the mama heart.  This is to ask  you to pray.

As told in a blog a couple of weeks past, Peter was in a car wreck that totaled his car.  It was not his fault and the driver's insurance is paying out a more than fair settlement.  Peter was provided two weeks of a rental car as well.  So I have been very hands off except for helping with a couple of paper work items.  Peter received the money yesterday and has bought a car as of today.  He is to go pick it up tomorrow.  He is doing this all on his own with the help of Lyft.  

Sunday night Peter came in from work and told me he didn't work at Texas Roadhouse anymore, that he had quit.  He said they treated him like a servant and it just wasn't his scene anymore. He is looking to go into retail.  He didn't say it but my guess is that is until he goes into modeling.  The numerous hats and sunglasses left in front of the mirrors indicate he is still preparing.

Peter says he plans to pick up the car tomorrow and drive it home then let it sit here until he gets a job and then put insurance on it.  . . . . right my red flag meter starts having a fit. Remember that time he was in a wreck 30 minutes after picking up his new car.  Add that to all the other red flags all ready in motion.  

Peter is unemployed.  And he thinks he is beneath many jobs.  He also struggles with filling out applications etc.

I do not know the status of the law suit with the car accident earlier in the year.  Peter says he doesn't know and I am choosing not to get involved.

Peter and I have some conflicts with our rooming situation. Basically I have a squatter living in my house with bad hygiene and often inconsiderate of my request.  

Peter stopped seeing his therapist several months ago.  I wrote a letter to his psychiatrist today to give her some background before Peter's medication check up via the computer this coming Tuesday. Those appointments are usually a fly by.  I hope she will take time to read the letter and consider my concerns for Peter's well being.

Peter is not having psychotic episodes but I do think there is a fare amount of delusional thinking about who he is and what is owed him. He lives in a virtual world with no to few physical real friends.  He does most things alone or is in his room.

We did meet with the Naturopath this past week.  Peters brain inflammation has shown improvement and it was encouraging.  Peter will continue on the supplements for the time being as long as I can afford it.  If nothing else Ricardo is an encouragement to me and allowed me a safe space to talk about my concerns in front of Peter.  

The big thing for me is knowing what I am to do as an advocate verses what is being an enabler.  When am I showing kindness and when am I trying to control things or do something that is not my place.  In the midst of this very paragraph, Peter called.  His debit card was declined (due to todays car buying activity) and he couldn't leave the restaurant he had walked to until he paid.  I was able so went and helped him.  The win for me was he had an alcoholic drink with dinner and he was chatty.  I think in that case I did the right thing,.  But I am constantly facing that decision - am I showing love and mercy or enabling and preventing God from using the suffering for Peter's good.

I have watch Peter suffer and experience many hardships his whole life.  I don't want to watch more.  And yet as my wise friend recently reminded me, "God uses hard times to bring us to the end of ourselves."  She also said "you don't do a kid a favor if you protect them from their mistakes."

Okay so I will not conclude with a list of prayer request.  I have provided my thoughts and heart.  I will trust God to lead you to pray for Peter and his mom based on these.  

Thanks for listening, caring and praying.

Hot Flashes

In my mid twenties I was in a BSF group led by a woman in her 50's.  It's the first time I can remember hearing a woman talk about hot flashes.  I think she was experiencing one during one of our fellowships.  My thought at the time was that she was being a little over dramatic.  Whats the big deal I thought?  So you get hot.  We all get hot, you know like out in the sun while working in the yard, hanging out at the pool, in a hot kitchen, etc.  I don't have contact wither her, don't even remember her name but to her and any other woman I labeled as wimpy and over dramatic about menopausal hot flashes, my deepest and sincerest apologies. I totally misunderstood.

I thought a hot flash was just being hot.  I did not know it was really about an internal thermostat malfunction.  Being hot is one thing but all of the sudden having the thermostat flung to 98 degrees by the hormone fairy is something else.  But even that doesn't explain it.  Its the fact that just about the time you figure out how to deal with it by stripping off layers of clothing and sitting in front of a fan, another hormone fairy comes along and drops the thermostat to 48.  Now you are barely dressed and hovering in front of a fan when it feels like a Northeastern is blowing in.  You scramble to find a sweater, hat, socks, blanket and a hot cup of tea when fairy number one comes back and kicks the thermostat up to 98 again.  So you are back to removing layers, looking for a fan, a cold slushy drink etc, etc. 

So it's not about "being hot," per say, its about the weariness of being in the middle of the hormone fairies thermostat war.  It's the exhaustion of keeping up with the constant change of body temperature and never knowing when it's going to happen.  It interrupts sleep, work and leisure, screaming for attention. It's not painful but like a mosquito buzzing in your ear, it's just so 'drive you crazy'  annoying.  And someday those young twenty somethings I work with are going to understand that I am not being over dramatic either!

For those who wondered . . . .

Why did Linda fly across the country to Washington State in the midst of a Pandemic?

• because I was invited by people I love to be with and I knew I'd be encouraged by laughter and truth. I was not disappointed.  Things I hadn't counted on but was delighted by included a fascinating, in depth biblical and scientific discussion on Noah's Ark with Ron; the pampering of a pedicure and a hair cut; fabulous food and new recipes; stories of faith that encourage and propel me forward; even more laughter than I anticipated; and the best blueberry lemon Creme Brulee ever!

How was the travel?

• Pretty easy.  I like pandemic travel as the airports are less crowded and there is more room on the airplanes.  I even had a whole row to myself to stretch out and sleep on the long Seattle to Atlanta flight home. And things were very clean.  

How did Mama Millie and Penelope (my cat) fare?

• As I expected they enjoyed each other.  Mama Millie seemed to enjoy Penelope's antics and companionship as well as Penelope loved the great views of birds, butterflies and squirrels from Mama Millie's windows. Penelope only escaped twice providing for great stories considering Mama Millie was able to recover her!

How did Peter do in my absence?

• He took his medicine.  He was faithful to attend work even when a car wreck Thursday night left him car-less.  His car was totaled when a car pulled out in front of him.  He has been dealing with insurance the past couple of days and has a rental car as of tonight.  Its a black pick up which is quite a switch from his white sedan. Makes me grin. I am working hard to not get involved and let him handle this.  As always there are many reasons to be apprehensive.  Peter and cars have been a thorn in my fragile nerves! So as you think of us you can pray for him regarding driving a rental, the settlement with the insurance, his settling debt with his grandma, and his future plans for transportation.  Although it was stressful to receive his call while I was far away, I am so grateful he was not hurt and that the distance forced me to let him handle it without trying to rescue him.  With that, pray for me to let him deal with it without interfering or enabling. 

Am I glad I went?

• Absolutely yes! It was so fun to rest, be refreshed and LAUGH!!   I was challenged spiritually in a way that I hopefully have come home with renewed purpose.  I am so grateful for Ron and Sue, their influence in my life and the joy they bring me by their friendship. 
• And don't fear, I will let you know if I get Covid-19 and question whether I should have gone!