Still on the Porch

First I want to begin with a big Thank you to God for you, my friends.  Many of you have checked in on me especially since I have been slow to update.  There have been text of encouragement and prayers.  I have received gifts to promote my safety as well as to just lift my spirits. Several have offered financial help if needed.  I couldn't ask for better friends and support.  I grieve for those who do not have the privilege of such a support system.  Please know I am grateful.

Things have not really changed.  Friday (tomorrow)  will mark three weeks with my porch mate.  He remains on the porch most of the time with an occasional walk somewhere.  He has run a couple of errands with me and attended church with me the past two Sundays.  He admitted to my church friend that it was so he could show off his outfit.  He is mostly mellow.  He has shown some depression, some energetic highs and some irritation with me.  He has been mostly respectful and there has been nothing "scary." Avita (our local Mental Health community partner) has checked on him a couple of times.  The person who came Monday was new to Peter.  Evidentally Peter was not impressed when she offered to help him get a job at McDonalds.  Peter wants a job at the hospital ( like a physcian or physician's assistant) or a bank manager job.  Peter gave me an earful about this Avita representative and her incompetence.  When I followed up with her she said he told her he did not need Avita and for her not to come back.  Her communication with me worries me a bit that they will use it as a reason to drop him.  And to that, I think surely they understand the mentally ill.  I understand that it is hard to help someone who doesn't think they need the help you are offerning. But it should be obvious HE NEEDS HELP!

With Peter having the court case in one county but being told he can serve his mental health court here, I am concerned he is going to get lost in the shuffle.  It feels that was as there has been little contact from these sources. I am grateful to the Athens Mental Health Court coordinator who reached out to me this week to see if I had heard anything.  I feel the need to follow up but not exactly how and with who.

I confess in the past week or more I have been in denial and perhaps a bit apethetic.  I just feed my porchmate and keep doing my thing.  Otherwise I will be overwhelmed.  All along this journey I struggle with what is advocacy, mercy and compassion verses enabling.  I feel like at this point I may be enabling if not requiring anything of him - taking medication, leaving the porch to do "something,"  cooperation with Avita etc. Let him stay started as compassion but not sure at this point in the game. 

So this is where I am at.  What do I need to do and require of Peter.  And how do I go about it for the best response and cooperation.  This would be my prayer today.  Wisdom for giving Peter some reguirements, knowing what they should be and how to present.  I have decided to head out of town next weekend so that seems like a good marking point.  I will not be here to feed him and he will need to excercise some independence.  I have not told him that yet and still trying to figure out the best way to go about it.  It has also come to my realization that to stay with me I have always required medication help as I believe in Peter's case it gives him the higher ability to function reasonably and successfully.  But I have not been requiring it during his porch stay.  I realize this imight be"a card" I need to play.  

Okay I must journey off to work.  I am transition the decor for the school today into Farm and apples so that will be fun!!!  Hopefully this assures you I am safe and gives you ways to pray for us.  Again big THANK YOU from my heart!!!!

Hope in the darkness

I have not written a post in a bit because honestly, I wanted mom to enoy her trip to Kansas and not worry by following along with the events of here. She's home - had a great trip by the way.  And now it feel liks a lot to catch up on.  And because I couldn't drag my body out of bed sooner. I don't have much time.  I do want to give an update with prayer request because I am feeling weary and needy.

Friday the 11th, after being released from Jail, Peter made his way to Gainesville arriving at my porch after midnight.  I have held my ground and did not let him in.  I have allowed him to stay on the porch and he has been there the past 9 days.   He was agitated the first morning and I was able to get the police and the mental health clinician involved.  This was a good thing, allowing them to know he was here.  He has been calm and agreeable most of the time since.  

I took him back to Athens for a court appearance last Thursday.  I am grateful fo Melissa for being my emotional support person during it as well as the public defender, TAC coordinator and judge all of whom I was impressed with. There are efforts to get Peter qualified for Mental Health Court which would provide accountability in requiring him to get medication treatment as well as offers other support.  Currently he is not taking medication.  There is the possibility that he can serve out this 1 -2 year program here in Gainesville instead of Athens.  Peter currently is adament about not wanting to be in Athens. There are pro's and cons of both places.  I And it all hinges on his willingness to participate.  The leverage is that it is in leiu of jail/fines for his 3 misdemenors on August 4th.  The mental health court is set up to help those with mental illness.  It currently makes me grateful for his recent arrest. 

So here are my current anxiety/fears:

• With the potential of him serving this in 2 places, that Peter will slip through some cracks
• The systems are stretched thin and again I worry he will get lost in the shuffle
• I am wearing out and not being able to keep up the squeaky wheel thing by contacting people.
• I am wearing out with Peter on the porch.  Although he is not in the house I fear we are slipping back into some of the enabling stuff.  He expects me to take care of him.  I have been firm with my boundary about him not living in the house so far but not sure what else I may need to do. (he has come in to shower a couple of times but uses the bathroom in the park next door.) There are no shelter options and no real accesible free food options in Gainesville.  Housing is rare and expensive.
• Peter is unmedicated and thus  he is not easy to reason with.  He is not under stress (he has shelter and I provide food) so he is not aggitated.  And for those who worry about my safety, yes I am vigilant and live behind locked doors when at home.  I have learned to read his moods and know when I need to back off.  Again he has been pleasant and funny most of the time.  And the police are familiar with us and I am not afraid to call 911.

Please pray

• The needed agencies will reach out to him even today
• He will get help in Athens or Gainesville and the where will be clear, and Peter agreeable.
• A place for Peter to live and he will be agreeable.
• Courage to do what I need to do in keeping my boundaries.  I am not going to be able to maintain having a porch mate for an extended amount of time.
• Peter to willingly take medication. - And an effective one can me found.
• For him to receive the needed SSI, food stamps and medicaide.

Thank you

Squeaky Wheel

As I suspected, Peter was sent to the local mental health provider, Advantage where he saw a nurse practitioner.  She gave him a bottle of meds (not the ones he was most recently taking) made him two future follow up appointments and sent him out the door.  He is back on the street.

Today on the phone and via text, I was dealing with unmedicated Peter.  This is the one who has a job lined up with LSU in the accounting department.  He signed papers with the lawyers.  He starts in a month and needs to borrow $1000 until then.  This is the one who won't eat at the shelters he had been eating at because they are gross or "he's not poor like those people."  This is the guy who spent the $10 I cash-apped him this afternoon and called asking for $50 more because it is Friday night.  And NO I did not send more $!

I was able to leave mid afternoon today and spent several hours being the squeaky wheel.  I called, texted and e-mailed anyone I could think of in his Athens circle trying to gather info but mostly communicating my concerns and seeking help.  I probably managed to just annoy people but they will remember Peter when he crosses their path. And most everyone was kind.

I am praying for

• his physical protection
• he will take the meds and hopefully get some increased clarity.
• he will encounter kindness 
• he will see God in the midst of this
• he will make it to the Thursday court appointment, and the Advantage follow ups
• he will get needed help
• for me to know how to repond to his  calls and text.
• what I am to do and not do, and be at peace with it.

Thank you

Praise and Prayer

 Praise God!

• For my college friend's dad's friend, Michael who works for Athens Clark County Police and has knowledge of solicitors, the behavioral health division and  the police records department.  He has been a great source of kindness and information.  He is the one that discovered Peter was back in jail last Saturday. 
• Michael encouraged me a couple of times to contact the Solicitors office and find out who Peter's Public Defender was.  He told me twice so I figured I should do it.  (I wasn't going to.) 
• I had a little extra time to make that call, and send the public defender an email this morning.
• Ryan the public defender called me 20 minutes later while he was with Peter for his court hearing being held at the jail.
• That contact allowed me some info as well as hopefully the opportunity to provide information and advocacy.
• It appears that Peter is going to have the opportunity to benefit from TAC (Treatment and Accountability Court.)
• Peter will be released from jail to a Mental Health Provider tomorrow morning.
• Mom and I made it through the Atlanta traffic at O' dark thirty this morning to get her to the Atlanta Airport for her flight to Kansas.  I made it home safely through the rain while fighting sleep!
• Mom safely arrived to Kansas where she was greeted by a dear friend.

Keep Praying

• For Peter to actually receive care tomorrow and that being released to a local mental health provider won't just be on paper only.
• For Peter to get good mental health care.
• That tomorrows provision will provide Peter a place to stay off the street, effective medication, and other needs.
• For Peter to willingly do what needs to be done as required by the court and mental health provider so to stay out of jail.
• For Peter's Mental healing and spiritual healing.
• For wisdom in my responses as Peter may begin to contact me.
• Mom's safety during 10 days of travel.
• Mom will be delighted by her visits in Kansas.

As always, Thank you!

In and Out

Actually it is more like Out and In.  Although I have not heard directly from Peter, I learned that he was released from jail on Friday.  On Saturday afternoon he returned with another charge of trespassing and two other misdemeanors.  I am grateful for the contacts God has given me that have helped me with information and an increased understanding of the system.  I am grateful I know where Peter is as well as that he has food and a bed such as it is.  I am grateful thus far that he has not been charged with anything beyond a misdemeanor. 

Thank you for praying that Peter will get the advocacy he needs, that he will experience and acknowledge God's love for him  and that God will be glorified in this mess.

Not much to say

 This is Thursday.

I have not heard from Peter since he was arrested on Sunday.  I have made several attempts to contact Peter at the jail with no response. I have shared info with the people I can and what can be shared with me is limited.  I am currently in the place of being able to do one thing for Peter.  Pray.  Thank you for joining me.