The Long and Short of it

I am going to skip the long details of the week.  The short of it is that I discovered that Peter stopped taking his medication as of Thursday evening.  During my weekly trip to see Peter yesterday, with mom in tow, I knew something was up. He was more irritable than he had been the other times.  I contributed it to a lack of sleep and was relieved that mom was giving him a one night stay in a hotel to get a shower and good sleep.  Before leaving, I went to set up his meds and made the discovery that he wasn't taking them. That explained his mood.

Today Peter was arrested for criminal trespassing.  He actually made two attempts at it.  In the first attempt my favorite Athens police officer Sgt Blair who called me two weeks ago when she was trying to help him, came to the scene.  Again today she called me for info and managed to get Peter to leave the hotel peacefully. Evidently after she dropped him near the homeless shelters, Peter found another hotel to trespass upon and was arrested.  I only know all of this because this same kind Police officer, Sgt Blair emailed me with the story. It sounds like she is continuing to advocate for him. 

I have suspicions that Peter in his unmedicated state decided jail was better than the streets. As I recount conversations and events of the past 24 hours it seems like it could be so.  I don't know what this "jail" process looks like. Please continue to pray for his protection and that he will encounter Jesus in all of this.  Pray that Peter will get the advocacy needed and if I am to do anything at this point that I will know what it is. 

Holy But

Many of you have heard me talk about the book The Rest of the Gospel (when the partial Gospel has worn you out.) This scripture filled, bible based book was written by Dan Stone and David Gregory It was handed to me about 12 years ago by my friend Christine. Since then I have read it at lease 4 times.  Two of those times have been in the past year.  I bought over a dozen of them from Thrift books and handed them out to friends.  This book counters some of the teaching I was raised on.  Yet I also realized its teaching has been sent my way throughout my life.  But there is just something about the way Dan Stone words it and presents it that has really helped me in understanding the gospel and where "rest in Christ" really enters in.  During this last reading of the book, I wrote a chapter summary sentence .  The goal was to help me remember as well as communicate the truths.  Today I typed up my summary.  As I did so ,I realized my current situation with Peter is a real practice ground for what God reveled to me in reading this book.

One of my favorite chapter is called the Holy But.  Dan we says what comes after the but, cancels out what came before it. That is where the truth is.  The sermon was good but... it was too long.  I love you but...I wish you wouldn't do that.   But when we state what is seen first and the truth of God after the BUT we live in the truth.  We live by faith. The Holy But changes our perspective from seen and temporary to eternal. It is how we live by faith bridging from soul response to spirit.  These aren't all spiritual truths but in the sense of the positive canceling out the negative I am going to precent a little Holy But in our current life story

Peter was late for his appointment Friday BUT the power outage canceled the appointment anyway.  He is rescheduled for 7:45 tomorrow.

Peter keeps getting displaced from parking garages for sleeping BUT is finding places on downtown store fronts and seems ok with it.

Peter misses his bed BUT he is grateful for the camping air mattress Melissa gave him yesterday.

Peter's reality is hard  to see face to face BUT yesterday Melissa went with me to see him in Athens and that made it fun. 

Peter says some crazy things BUT mostly he is functioning well and taking his meds. 

Peter manipulates my Mom emotional chords BUT this present distance and having great moral support is helping me do the hard things.

Peter doesn't profess Jesus BUT recently had started going to church with his Mama Millie.  Today he took himself to a big Baptist Church in downtown Athens. 

Sometimes my heart hurts so much for Peter BUT God promises his purposes and plans will prevail.  He works all things for His Good - and I can trust that he IS GOOD.

Sometimes I feel very alone in this BUT God has given me great friends and family.

I want to fix Peter's situation and remove his suffering.  I want to remove my suffering BUT God reminds me that misery is a gift - it strips away all the externals bringing us to the place of seeing him as our sufficiency.

Please Continue to Pray

• Peter to reach his appointment at 7:45 Monday and that it will provide helpful assistance.
• For Peter to find support - food, friendship, etc
• A safe place for Peter to sleep- Melissa and I found a government "tent camp" and it could be a possible option if he will pursue it. 
• Peter's safety, and sound mind ; he will continue meds
• I will get responses on the 3 options outside of Athens that I am pursuing.
• For the next step for Peter, whether its in Athens or else where - and his willingness to participate.
• My role - balancing the line between advocacy and enabling.
• God to be glorified in the mess.

Living on the street

Peter has been learning to navigate living homeless this week.  I am sure is easier that he has some money.  I am telling him, he needs to practice not depending on the money in his pocket as this will soon be gone at the rate he is spending it.  He is figuring out the bus system.  Peter has had to move to a different parking garage.  He calls me at least 2 times a day.  In the evening there is usually an hour or so of conversation in which he tells me his stories. Many are steeped in reality, some not so.  He has started telling me that he doesn't want to be in Athens.  He wants to return to Gainesville. I tell him he has better options in Athens. Peter is known at a coffee shop where they let him charge his phone and  they often provide him with free snacks. Peter has figured out that the Library is a good place to charge his phone and hang out for awhile.  He says he is taking his meds, and his mood and tone make me believe he is.  

My contacts this week have been "helpful for knowledge" but not necessarily progressive in nature.  Peter goes tomorrow (Friday) morning to Advantage for an appointment the hospital set up.  Honestly I do not know what it is for or what to hope it will accomplish.  Please pray that they will be able to help Peter in some way and that he will be appreciative of whatever that help looks like. I pray he can get into a shelter so that I can sleep better.  Pray for the means of his getting his medication refilled and his setting them up and my role in it.  I have a few things I want to get to him this weekend.  I am trying to figure out the best timing and navigation of that. I continue to pray that he would find support, community and Jesus in the midst of this hard experience.

Thank you.

The Surreal

Yesterday afternoon  Mom and I were in downtown Athens GA.  This is home of UGA and is an iconic College town.  Although it is summer you could see kids and parents whom you would assume were preparing for the upcoming school year.  I am sure there are those who would of assumed that of us as Mom, Peter and I had lunch and walked in and out of stores. But in truth we were there assisting Peter in his new journey of homelessness.  We brought him a few clothes, toiletries and a yoga mat to sleep on.  I looked over his hospital discharge papers and medication.  I was able to make refills and get him set up with his meds for the week.  And it even included him showing us the Parking Garage he has chosen to camp in at night. Yep it is as surreal as it was they day mom and I put the 4 year old in my jeep at the Baby's home in Uganda and I took him home to raise.

So what has happened;

• Peter was discharged from our local Behavioral Health hospital to Athens (an hour away) to a homeless shelter that he soon was kicked out of because of inappropriate language.  It is now not an option for 30 more days. (This is a very nice shelter by the way.)
• Peter can eat at this shelter just not stay there.  Currently he has money (I am slowly sending him) due to the apartment deposit refund.
• He has an appointment with Advantage which is their local Mental Health agency on Friday.  I think this is to help with medication monitoring.
• Advantage also has a homeless day shelter that I have pointed him to, to see if they can help him with other shelter options as well as other provisions..
• Peter picked out a quiet parking garage for making camp in at night and roams around downtown Athens in the daytime.
• I am continuing to see if there are any group home facilities that he might qualify for to get him off the street.

Things to praise God for:

• Peter is taking his meds to the best of my knowledge.  His mood is good and he is currently taking this in stride.  
• Peter is far enough away to keep him off my porch and begging for a place to sleep but close enough that I can get to him to provide some essential support.
• His safety thus far.
• Athens has free bus service.
• There was the kindest police officer who assisted him Saturday including calling me to get info.
• My college friend Melissa is from Athens (but living in Atlanta) and she called her Dad.  They have a family friend on the board of the shelter who was able to get "intel" so we knew what was going on.
• Melissa's family friend who sought Peter out on Saturday, providing him some food and conversation.
• Athens has a fairly large homeless population, Peter is not the much of an oddity and there are resources.  I know that sounds odd but I am grateful for that.
• Peter likes UGA - and Athens.
• I had last week off to deal with all the goings on.
• I felt prompted to cancel my weekend plans so that I was available to spend time on the phone regarding him Saturday and go help him yesterday.
• For cell phones that allow me to keep in touch and help without having him "in my space."
• The hospital is pursuing SSI/SSDI for him now that he is uninsured and owes them money.  This is a HUGE relief to have the responsibility of that taken off my plate.
• I was able to share my story with several of my church deacons yesterday.  They were very supportive offering to help where they can.
• The care and support of friends who have reached out and who pray.  I am grateful for encouraging text, emails and "checking in."

Things I continue to pray for:

• Peter will take his medication timely and accurately.  And that the meds will be effective.  
• Peter's mind and mood to be stable - this aids in keeping him out of trouble. He really is pleasant most of the time.  Staying on the medication - having the right medication is important for this.
• Peter will find resources and help today.  For people to show him compassion.
• That Peter can find a shelter option and not have to sleep in the parking garage. 
• A more long term safe, living option with some oversight of medication and care.
• For a speedy process of disability and that it will be approved without delay. (Normally this is a long process that is often denied originally.)
• For Peter to see Jesus meeting him in all of this.
• For his protection especially as he sleeps in a parking garage.
• That I will sleep at night.  Last night was a little harder.
• That I will have peace that passes all understanding.  There are moments where I have to dig really deep to find it!

So last night I received this photo from Peter with the title "My campsite."  Perhaps I should print a copy for his scrapbook like my mom did for me when I went off to college.

God is Good.  All. The. Time.  Even in this.

Just Pray

Without going into detail, would you please pray for Peter today - for deliverance from Evil and God's mighty protection.  

I have been teaching the littles at school the Lord's prayer this summer using a book with pictures and music.  This morning as I pray for Peter I keep hearing the echo's of Matt Maher's version of the Lord's Prayer. "Father Let your will be done, Father let your kingdom come, on earth as in heaven, in Peter's heart.  "

He was dropped in a city an hour away at a Shelter  yesterday evening but was soon kicked out due to his language.  And later when he called me, because he didn't get what he wanted from me, he became abusive and threatening.  Thus I did not go get him.

Not sure where he is or what is happening.  Thank you for praying for me to know what steps I need to take and most of all for Peter's deliverance and protection. 

The Facts

Peter has been at Laurelwood mental hospital since last Wednesday.

I have had no contact with Peter up until today and a just couple of conversations with nurses and therapist.

I have also been unable to spy on his my chart (or have failed to remember to look) until today.

According to the notes on the MyChart, the information Peter has provided them over the past week is varied, often contradictory and sometimes bizarre.

Improvement was being made until today when he has been aggressive.  I personally experienced it in one of his phone calls to me.

Peter has been accepted by a program by  Avita, a local mental health outpatient program that will provide follow up and help including medication help, application for housing voucher, job search etc.  This is good.

The above program currently does not provided housing.  The only housing option the therapist has found for him at this time is a homeless shelter an hour away in Athens.  This is outside the reach of the Avita program he qualified for. Going to that shelter means he wont get the services he qualified.  They have a similar agency in Athens but they currently have no commitment to Peter and I don't know that anyone at the shelter would be assisting him. This is not good.

The shelter here I was hopeful for, currently has no beds available and there is no guarantee they would take him.

Peter is not well.  It has to be horrible and frightening.  It is a medical problem that effect's his ability to function. He is in a VERY tough spot.  I so desire for him healing, shelter, support, Jesus.  I want to help him.

When I asked the therapist how can I help, He says he needs housing. But every time I think I am going to just let him come here, he verbally says things to me that are threatening or disturbing and I think, no, I can't.  (I don't think God is asking.  Its just that giving him a place to stay seems to meet the need.. I want to meet the need.)

The hospital has taken over the responsibility of applying for disability for Peter.  Getting him on Medicaid is to their advantage since he is uninsured.  Their taking this over is a good thing for me and has potential to be expediated due to their involvement.  

I am off from the school this week.  We are closed one week every year for the church's camps and VBS.  I have been having good visits with friends with more to come. Tomorrow is mom's day.  We plan on doing a little yard care and some shopping.   I have been grateful for this week off.

Lost and Found

After several calls today to various places, Peter was found at the ER  He evidentially took himself there  Monday.  I guess it had begun to feel like home - a safe place with food, people and a bed.  I am grateful to the people who were helpful there.  Tonight he is back at the local Inpatient facility a mile from my house.

You know I don't blame anyone who wants off this roller-coaster and would prefer not to receive these updates.  I know I am personally longing to trade this Fury 325 roller coaster ride in for a simple Merry Go Round.

Rubber meets the Road

The last I spoke with Peter was Sunday evening.  I gave him money for breakfast and picket up a couple baskets of his things.  

Monday morning I sent him a text with directions to Good News at Noon as well as their phone number. I did not hear from him all day.  I did not feel prompted to contact him and was giving him some space to decide what to do.

This (Tuesday) morning the hotel called to tell me his things were still in the room.  Evidently there was miscommunication between me and the clerk and they had him staying until this morning. I went to pick up what was left behind.  By appearances in addition to what Peter was wearing he only has his ID, debit card (which has 0$) his phone, charger and earbuds with him.  He left his meds behind.

He is not responding to text and my call went immediately to voicemail.  Due to the holiday I was unable to get through to the shelter to see if his there. His friend has not hear from him.  I can think of some possibilities - 2 possible shelters, jail, hospital? 

But bottom line is that I don't know where he is.  I am nervous that he didn't take his meds and isn't responding to my text.

God knows where he is. Maybe I will be able to find out more tomorrow.

I slept last night - I assumed he was at the GNAN shelter.  Tonight I will because not sleeping will not change anything.  But yeah this hard.

Letting Go

Peter went to the Good News At Noon Clinic yesterday and it is an option for him. Its a really nice facility.  Many of the volunteers as well as the director, go to my church  It really seems to provide what he needs - food, shelter, a case worker, therapeutic help, help getting a job, access to the mental health facility - and it is free.  But Peter sees it at the cost of his dignity and he is not there yet.  For the first 3 months, the participants don't work - they are working on themselves while being provided for.  Peter said he couldn't "not work" for 3 months - he said no to the opportunity.  But I don't think three months not working is the real issue. Later he said "mom you saw those people, I don't belong there.  I am not homeless."  I told him that he had no place to live, no car, no money and no job,. That qualifies him as homeless.. But he doesn't see it. My friend was told that the door was not closed to him - he can go back Monday afternoon if he wants. But he has to want it, he has to cooperate.

And what will it take to get him to want it? I am thinking Desperation.  That requires my not enabling.  Since, even if he had agreed to the program, he could not have entered until Monday, I got him a cheap dumpy hotel room through Monday morning and gave him $40.  No he wasn't happy.  He did go with mom and I on errands today when we dropped off a couple of needed items. And he was pleasant enough.  Considering the heat and storms today, it is easier on me knowing he has shelter this weekend.  The big question is can I let him go into Monday with no where to sleep that night?  Deep down I know that is what needs to happen, But in my flesh, I am wondering if I can follow through

I wrestle with the whole idea of my letting him stay here to keep him from being homeless.  And I am sure there are some of you that may think I am being uncompassionate to not let him.  But here is the truth, mental illness or not, for 20 years under my roof, nothing has really changed.  Peter manipulates and intimidates me to get what he wants from me. I saw it yesterday as he turned it off and on based on what he thought he could get from me. In my great empathy for him and desire to see him safe, well and happy, I have sacrificed, coddled and walked eggshells for him.  But it hasn't really helped him. During  the Mental Health support groups I have been participating in, there has been a lot of talk about advocating for our loved ones with Mental Health.  I don't think of advocating as letting someone be without food and shelter  Yet in spite of what it looks like, I believe at this time advocating for Peter means exactly that, ceasing to enable him and kicking him out of the nest.  Though I am sure it may look like I am pushing him away, I am really pushing him toward the place he can get help. Hopefully someday he will see that.

So at this point here are things I am praying for:

• that the current heat and storms will have Peter consider what it will mean to have no roof come Monday.
• that Peter will believe me when I say, no more
• that I will have the courage to hold my ground even if it is excruciatingly painful.
• that I will sleep even if I don't know where Peter is.
• that Peter will willingly choose Good News at Noon, they will indeed take him, and he will be willing to stick it out getting the needed support he needs
• that Peter will faithfully take his meds and it will be effective
• that there will be no gaps in provision. now that he is uninsured
• that Peter will get needed help with managing medical bills, getting Medicaid, SSI and what ever other paper work help.
• And as always in this process Peter will experience spiritual and emotional healing that only knowing how much Jesus loves him can give him.