The Concerns of Today

When I learned I would spend two weeks at home, I envisioned writing lots of blog post.  And although multiple ones are in my head, few were transferred into print.  And now that the isolation is over I still have so many things I want to share but life's responsibilities are calling loudly limiting time.  I have a couple of stories I do hope to share but at the moment I feel a need to write some of my anxiety and fear in hopes that sharing it will lighten the load of it.  I tease my mom because she says she doesn't worry, she just has concerns.  I think it is kind of the same thing. So here are my concerns.

Tradition is that we go to the beach for Christmas.  Due to the state of this year, we delayed making plans until this past Thursday.  We were at the end of Covid for Peter and I, mom was still well and a condo popped up in VBRO that met all the criteria so we took a risk and booked it.  Since then mom has had a headache, Peter seems slow to bounce back, and I am feeling a bit paranoid about the virus.  So we just seek wisdom in knowing if we are to go and the grace to handle it if we are not.  The Christmas beach trip started after we spent one miserable Christmas at home following Larry's death.  We have discovered Christmas at the beach is a refreshing way to counter the sadness of missing Larry and Dad during the holiday. Wrapped up with that is gratitude that mom stayed well for the two weeks that Peter and I were down and prayers that she will continue to stay well.

The other concern is Peter.  I am not sure if I shared that when he returned from Peachford Mental Hospital Nov 19, he seemed to be in the best mental place I'd seen all year.  His 60 hour week of night shift was hard but I was so proud of his attitude and perseverance.  With Covid and perhaps the medication he takes, he has slept a lot of the past two weeks.  His sleep cycle is topsy turvy again with him sleeping through the days and up during the night.  This is good for a night shift but without the night time work I do think it has stirred up depression, though he won't admit to it.  Peter says he is returning to night shift this evening but evidence makes me think maybe he is not so sure.  He admitted yesterday to still just being so tired.

Due to various driving events over the past four years and a recently acquired newer car, Pete's car insurance had reached per month just shy of what I pay for car insurance in one year.  He came to the decision to park the car in Mama Millie's garage for awhile.  He took the high paying night job in hopes of paying off some debt to his grandma and saving up to eventually move out. Evidentially still living  with his mom adds to his feelings of being "a looser." so he communicated.  The Amazon job is temporary and it is 30 minutes away. I had committed to help him with transportation because it was high paying, temporary and the young man needs some encouragement.  Plus the travel time has its benefits as he had been talking with me during the travel.  Peter recognizes that 12 hour shifts and night time work is not helping him as well as he needs something closer he can get to.  I have offered to help him apply for jobs but he does seem to be struggling to do much more than sleep at the moment.  

So you know I am concerned.  Like my preschoolers tell me, I am over here telling God what Peter needs!  As I have emphasized to my threes, what I say I need may be a want and not a need, there is a difference.  I do belief Peter needs Jesus, needs to recognize Jesus as he savior.  But what I WANT for Peter is to feel loved and valued, to have purposeful work and experience some independence.  I want Peter to have a job that is not too far and he can navigate getting to on his own.  I want him to have a job that feels purposeful and  fits a schedule that supports his mental health.  I want him to have a job with reasonable pay and benefits so he can meet his responsibilities.  I want him to work with people who will have a positive impact on him.  As we enter 2021, Peter and I are changing insurance carriers. My hope is that this is going to be beneficial to Peter. What I want is it does not totally disrupt the cart but brings about positive changes for his mental and medical care. 

Okay, just knowing I have shared it helps.  I know that some of you will pray for these things and it lightens my load and helps me stop feeling like I am carrying it alone.  God has been faithful all these years with Peter and I know he will continue to do so.  Sometimes it is just easy to forget.