Wanting

Do you ever get confused about your wants?  And I am thinking beyond simply knowing what it is that you want. I am realizing that my understanding of wants and especially how it fits into the life of a follower of Jesus can get pretty tangled.  I think there are the sounds of a variety of voices that include the following.  "If I want it, it probably isn't  a good idea."  If I want it, I probably won't get it." If I want it and I get it, I am not really sacrificing all for Jesus." "If I got what I wanted last time, I won't get it this time." "Don't say what you want, take what you get."  "What you want is so much more than what others have so its wrong to want it." "Its better to not want than risk being disappointed." "If you say what you want, someone might give it to you and then you are indebted to them." And we can't leave out the voice that yells out "I NEVER get what I want!" 

I have been discovering and sorting through some of this thinking recently.  How do my wants fit in with my trusting in Jesus for everything?  The truth is sometimes He answers our prayers as we want and sometimes He doesn't.  And the chorus of voices can create conflict in my mind about how I relate to Jesus when he doesn't answer my prayers as well as when he does. It also keeps me from bringing my wants before him. Recently a friend and I were talking about being okay in wanting God to do something then also being okay with what he does whether it is in line with what I wanted or not.  Sounds simple I know. I would like to think that I am free with God - letting my request be known and trusting him however he answers. Yet recognizing the "voices" in my head helps me realize that I have some twisted thinking that hinder this freedom.  

In response to this I have decided to share some of my "wants" or prayers, however you want to phrase it. I am often hesitant to publish a pubic list.  I think it is part of my twisted thinking which includes, " It is okay to make your personal prayer needs known in mass if you are a missionary but not if you are a preschool teacher in the US."  I know it doesn't really make sense.  There is a lot happening in my family right now. I thought if I listed my wants it might help me feel a little more organized about it.  And maybe there are things on this list that God would prompt you to also pray regarding.  

• Larry's stay in Rehab is becoming a stay in the Nursing Home with an indefinite end.  We want an easy switch over of the insurance coverage without complications.  I want him to have regular visitors. I want him to receive good care as well as have positive relationships with people at the Nursing Home. 
• My parents found a Condo that would allow them to downsize. It would also put them less than five minutes from Larry as well as me and their doctors!  We want their house which has just gone on the market to sell ASAP so that they can buy and move into the Condo quickly. Timing is pretty critical if this Condo is "the one."  The downsizing and move will be a large task.  I want to see them have support and help in this process as well as sustained health. 
• I want Peter to graduate from RMA in 2017.  I want the money for this coming school year so that he can attend as a boarding student. I want Peter to have good friendships and role models.
• There are other wants that I am not sure yet how to express so I will leave it at this for now.