One week out

One week from today, residential football camp begins at Riverside Military School. (This is directly followed by the beginning of the school year for Peter.)  I have papers to fill out and turn in ASAP to complete Peter's registration.  I hate filling out papers.  Oh yeah and Peter keeps telling me he is NOT going to Riverside.

And I thought getting the money was the biggest challenge!

Faithful God

As I have been thinking about it, I am not sure that I really doubt God's faithfulness as much as I fear what I will be responsible for when God proves faithful.  I have watched God take us through the Military School journey from initial thoughts of application right up to my confirming visit at the open house. God has been faithful thus far yet I have not been acting confident.  I keep acting like I cant say "Peter is going to Riverside," because I don't know how it will get paid for.  But I have realized that in truth I don't want to say "Peter is going to Riverside" because that means lots of scary other things.  Things I fear are a new community for Peter and me, my guilt over his attending another new school, and well my having to confront Peter with, "You will be going to Riverside Military Academy this fall." (Thus far he has only known it as a possibility, one that he has not believed would happen.)

God has proven faithful.  Through the generous offerings of friends and family, I am pretty certain there is the needed money for Peter to attend Riverside for the 2013-14 school year.  I am in awe, extremely grateful, pretty excited and shaking in my boots (cute orange rubber garden boots that I found on clearance at Target!).  The next steps involve telling Peter, filling out necessary papers, and making preparations for his going two weeks from today. Things I am praying for include: Peter's acceptance of the news without destructive drama; Peter will willingly attend and be encouraged by visiting the school's Open House on Friday; His agreeing to play football with the less glamorous Riverside football team (He has spent the summer training with the current GA state championship high school football team); His cooperation as preparations are made; A good roommate, honorable friends and godly mentor(s); My completing all necessary paperwork and payments in a timely manner; Peace and confidence will overshadow any of my feelings of guilt.  That I will trust that God loves Peter more than I do and he will continue to provide what Peter needs as he has faithfully done thus far.

"The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well -watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail." Isaiah 58:11

Sweet Memories

So I received a text from my dear friend Christine. Christine was my first housemate when I went to Uganda. Her text read "I am craving those rock hard cookies from the Italian butcher in Uganda??"  Having 15 minutes, I immediately called and said, "which rock hard cookies exactly?"  She provided a few explanations and when she said "they were shaped like ducks," I knew immediately what she was referring too.  I  said "oh yeah, I loved those cookies."  Her response was "you didn't at first."  And I am pretty sure she was right. Truthfully a lot of my first year in Uganda was a blur but I do remember that there were few things that I really "loved" about my new home.  But as I recall my latter years in Uganda, I remember buying many a package of those rock hard duck, horse, and crescent shaped cookies because I really did like them.

We remained on the phone for about 15 minutes and most of that time was spent talking about the food we enjoyed and missed from Uganda.  During my early years in Uganda, Christine and I frequently ate out together.  We had access to very good food and at what was for us as Americans, very reasonable prices. We talked about the ice cream from the Belgium Butchery.  (Yes the Butcheries were SO much more than meat.)  The Belgium butchery's adjoining restaurant, Le Chateau made this fabulous Tilapia in a cream sauce as well as potato croquettes. Christine and I would go in and without even looking at the menu ask for it.  It would be brought to us and we would totally enjoy our fish and potatoes.  It was a shock when we realized that the beloved dish had not been on the menu for many months.  Yet whenever we requested it "Dirk"  the chef would make it for us.  One of my most beloved birthday presents is when Christine asked Dirk to share the recipe for Tilapia Le Chateau with me. She presented me with a hand scrawled recipe, sign by Dirk. It has an honored spot in my recipe file!  (No I haven't made it but after my phone conversation with Christine I am thinking I definitely should sometime soon!)

Christine and I talked about the fabulous affordable Indian cuisine that we had access to as well as favorite Ugandan and Kenyan dishes.  We laughed and I felt light when I got off the phone.  All that  from the memory of some food.  Kind of funny.  But it was more than food. It is sweet memories from a time that didn't always feel so sweet.  It is about sharing enjoyable experiences with a dear friend.  Experiences that overshadow the hard times.  It is about having someone remember and understand what few others can.  I got off the phone being really grateful.  Grateful for Christine. Grateful for the opportunity to experience great and varied cuisines. Grateful for delights during a difficult transition. Grateful for my memories.  And grateful that the sweet memories are stronger than the bitter ones.

What takes more faith?

Faith is a funny thing.  What can require faith for one person may be just the opposite for another.  It is very personal.  And often it looks as if it takes faith to go either direction when a choice presents itself.  So which one requires more faith?

I have been asking God for the means to send Peter to Riverside Military School.  I have decided to believe he will and presently act as if it is so.  I have told God I am open to how he wants to do it - gifts, scholarship, sweepstakes winnings, or even a new job.  I have made the need known, entered sweepstakes and kept my ears open to job opportunities. I recently learned of a job opening.  A new career  in a totally unrelated field. There were so many perks that provided "security" that I thought this just might be God's answer.  I would go back and forth though as I considered if I could really do the work and adjust to a new schedule. I kept trying to look at 'applying for the job' or 'letting it pass' in terms of "acting in faith."  On the surface it looked like it would take more faith to pursue a job I felt extremely challenged by.  But I realized that perhaps it took just as much faith to pass it by trusting that God would provide in another way.  

I think truthfully that for pride's sake, I want to be the one that works to earn this education for Peter. It is hard to accept help from others.  It hurts my pride.  Deep down there is the part of me that feels like I have to be the one to make the sacrifice for this.  I feel responsible and believe that somehow I am going to have to "do something" maybe even "suffer and sacrifice" to make this happen. So in the end I realized it takes more faith to pass this job by than to pursue it. I was pursuing it out of fear.  Fear that this must be God's provision and if I didn't chase after it, I would miss it.  This job was not simply a challenge, it was totally out of my gifting and interest. I realized that it was just not a good fit for me or the employer therefore I chose not to pursue it.  

It's not the first time I have been in this place of "faith is waiting."  I do believe that God who started this journey will provide what is needed.  I still can't figure out the "how in the world!" This isn't the first time I have been in this place though. There have been other times when I have tried to figure out how I could make something happen when God (without my help) did more than I could have ever imagined.

Four Firemen and a Kitty

Did you know that fireman do not rescue kittens out of trees anymore?  But if you drive up to their station and ask nicely, they might just help you get one out from the underbelly of your car.

So Saturday afternoon I am driving home from a friend's house.  While sitting at a red light I heard a cat meowing. I turn off the audio book I was listening to, to see if it was part of the story. It didn't make sense that it would be.  I didn't hear it so I resumed with the story as I traveled home.  Wanting to continue with my audio book I stayed in the car cleaning out coupons and trash. That's when I heard it again, meows of a cat. I looked around in my bushes for my outdoor cat,  Adidas or his friends who share his cat dish.  I saw nothing.  It was weird. I wondered if I was hearing things.  The next morning while in the kitchen I heard meowing outside.  I figured it was Adidas wanting breakfast and went to put food out for him.  There was no Adidas or any other cat for that matter.  Strange.  So off I went to take Peter to catch the bus for football camp, to church, to the store, to my friends at one end of town and back across to the other side of town to visit my parents.   About 8:30 PM mom and I were sitting at her dining room table talking.  I was telling  her about the cat voices and my fear that I was developing some mental disorder.  That's when I heard it, the meowing of a cat.  I said mom, "Listen, I hear meowing, there must be a cat in my car somewhere."  At first she gave me the "really?" look then she too heard it.  We headed out to my car and started looking around the tires.  I thought I saw a shadow move so mom went for a flashlight.  I opened the hood and began shining the light into the engine.  A few minutes later I saw it, two eyes in a gray furry face staring up at me. There was a kitten in the underbelly of my car just below the engine. 

I was relieved that I was not hearing things , but what was I to do?  The poor thing had obviously been in there since at least the afternoon before.  I was to have an oil change the next day but I couldn't drive around knowing he was in there.  I thought about how I had always heard of firemen rescuing cats from trees and thought maybe they could rescue a kitten from the engine of a car.  It was finally decided that mom and I would drive my car to the nearest fire station.  My mom cringed with empathy for the little thing every time I turned a corner. Upon reaching the fire station, it was closed up and I could not find anyone to talk to.  So there I was in the fire station parking lot dialing 911. When asked where I was, I said , "In my car at the fire station parking lot."  After quickly relaying my need the dispatcher contacted the men inside.  Shortly one by one, four fire fighters came out to figure out how to get the kitten out.  During our conversation, I learned that they do not rescue cats out of trees anymore.  None the less, these men crowded around my car engine discussing how to get the little fellow out.  I sat on the curb laughing at the scene.  One fire fighter had his fire coat on so that he could get in closer to the hot engine.  Another went for a jack in case they needed to lift up the car. One retrieved a golf club from a truck in hopes of nudging the little fella out.  It was actually that which resulted in the grey fur ball darting out from my car over to a nearby pickup truck where it quickly climbed up into its back tire chassis.  Next thing I knew two firemen were working to get him out from there. Soon one produced this itty bitty gray kitten.  Discussion during the rescue resulted in one of the men saying he would take the kitten. 

I thanked them for their help.  One of them smiled and said, "just don't tell anybody."  I get that they don't want to be known as the cat rescue squad.  But really, could I not tell my story?  It was definitely an unusual Sunday evening.  Mom and I laughed all the way back to her house and laughed as we relayed the story to my dad and brother.  I am so grateful that the little kitten survived it's 24 plus hour imprisonment under my car.  I am grateful for the firefighters who so graciously aided us.  I am grateful for the firefighter who was going to see that it received a home.  And I am REALLY grateful that I am not hearing things that are not there!

Well Groomed Weeds

Weeds (according to Webster) -  : a plant that is not valued where it is growing and is usually of vigorous growth; especially : one that tends to overgrow or choke out more desirable plants.

Between rains, I spent a little time in my yard yesterday.  I cut my grass, well I mean weeds. I remember hearing my friend say that the neighbor had complimented their lawn. She said that really all her husband did was cut the weeds.  I think of that when I mow my grass. Cut short it really does look like grass. But let the rains come and the lawn mower stay parked then the crazy tall chutes and flowers give it away. There is very little true grass in my yard. It really is mostly weeds. I believe that outside work is full of spiritual lessons. Jesus obviously believed thus and I am often on the look out for lessons in my yard. I was thinking about my weeds and wondering if there was any spiritual or life applications of "well mowed" weeds? Don't really know.  But these were a few thoughts that I had as I continued to push the lawn mower along.  

1) Even weeds look good when well groomed. It is easy to look at others' "beautiful lives" and be envious.  Truth is we all are weeds.  We are all sinners (in need of a Savior) and  we all face life challenges.  No matter how fabulous one's life may appear, truth is, it is made up of weeds.  

2) Sometimes an embraced weed looks good. In certain areas plants arise that I do not want because it competes with other plants or simply makes the area look unattractive, like in sidewalk cracks.  In these area I fight the weeds.  I pull, dig  and spray.  Letting them be is not beneficial.  However in my yard, hardy plants are welcome.  Weeds trimmed make for nice ground cover.  I accept the weeds. Sometimes situations come into our life that we may not value because they are unwanted and "wild".  Sometimes instead of fighting them it is a better use of energy to embrace them and make them part of the landscape.

And So forth

I just re-read a delightful e-mail from a friend.  It was basically a hundred and fifty word run on sentence with hyphens separating thoughts.  She explained that she wrote it the way she would have told it to me.  I laughed because it is true, I could hear her talking to me in her style that I so dearly love as I read it.  As I have been trying to formulate a post, I keep seeing my thoughts formulate in a similar manner.  Typically I like to connect things in a pretty package with illustrations, information and hopefully something useful or thoughtful. I like it to connect.  I like it to make my former English teachers proud. Yet the most recent week just doesn't want to fit that formula.  So I think with this one you will have to sort it out and do what you want with it.

So nothing with Riverside Military Academy has changed - For Peter to attend as a boarder (the preferred option) I need to come up with $15,548 - If he is to attend as a day student $11,673 is needed for this year - When Peter and I talked he did not say he wanted to go but he also did not say "I am not going and you can't make me" which is what I expected - He has excuses for not going - I want him to go but still waiting for God to show me the money -  I keep asking God for the money -  I am willing to change jobs, I just need him to show me -  I have looked in every direction that I thus know to look- The hardest part is looking foolish - it is not like me to apply for a school that I can't afford -I have acted on what I honestly believe God has been directing - yet I can't help but think people must consider me foolish, unrealistic, looking for a handout - I have to look past what I think people think of my attempts to get Peter into this school- I have acted thus far in faith - faith often does look foolish - if this is not what God is doing I am really trying to trust that this journey has been for a reason -This week I am staying with my brother. I offered so that both of my parents could drive to Kansas for my aunt (dad's sister's funeral)- Because Larry broke his hip in April he is no longer able to be left at home alone - He uses a wheelchair as well as a walker with assistance - Staying with Larry now has a whole different meaning than it did in April-  I gave up all other plans, working at a church preschool, working at the Family Life Center, participating in the Atlanta Peachtree Road Race with 60,000 new friends on July 4th, sleeping on my just purchased mattress (the reward of working all summer instead of taking time off), my usual Wednesday afternoon bowling, Wednesday night bible study-  I confess I had to work through the sacrifice and now I can see good - I have a cold so shouldn't probably try to run 6.5 miles (likely in the rain) on July 4th- I wont pass on my cold to the kiddies at preschool - I am not flitting about passing my germs here and there -I can be in mom's great kitchen where it is easy to make chicken soup and other healthful foods -I am doing crafts and other things that I keep pushing aside for "away from home activities"-  I have a legitimate reason to say no to constant motion - there are comfy beds at mom's house - Larry and I are having quality sibling time - I ran in a 5K Saturday called the Jefferson Freedom Run, a 4th of July race with about 200 folks-  In the first 1/2 mile I was seriously questioning why I was running these races - my feet were hurting - I decided I was returning the new (not yet worn) running shoes that I had bought the night before and after the Peachtree Race, quitting with the running thing -  Then as I kept going the endorphin kicked in -And since all the 45-49 women must have been out shopping or at the beach I took first place out of 4 in that age group -  Not saying much since I ran a 11 minute mile but kind of fun anyway.  I have a cute child crafted tile painted as an American flag as an award.  So I didn't take my running shoes back and I plan to keep running so that I can participate in the Peachtree next year on the 4th of July - Going to get Larry and go for a drive to my house to feed the cat - and so forth and so forth.