Looking for Peace

So I am not sure exactly what to write today.  I can't come up with any real clever package. After I learned that even with the Military school's discount, I needed to find between 14 and 18 thousand dollars for Peter to be able to attend this year, I kind of shut down.  I didn't want to think about it or talk about it. Then I rallied. I started applying the ideas friends have presented.  I called the school again and was assured that my coming to meet in person won't increase how much I can be given in aide.  So I try to think of different employment that would double my income yet is legal. I think of researching scholarship options and get exhausted just anticipating it.  I keep trying to "figure" it out and can't.  I have also tried to accept that this is the end of the road.  But truth is every time I do, I encounter someone attending or working at the school.   I am not convinced that merely investigating the school is as far as God plans to take us.  Tomorrow there is an open house at the school.  I signed up to go and take Peter.  However I have conflict with that.  I don't anticipate him wanting him to go without a fight.  And I don't really want to take him if I don't know that I can follow through with him actually being able to attend in the fall.  I will be down right honest, I am scared. I am scared that at the open house I will just burst into tears for all or no reasons.  I am scared  for Peter to attend the school next year, yet I am scared for him if he doesn't go there. And I am scared that somehow I am not doing "something" that I am suppose to, whatever that something is.  I think it is safe to say that currently I am looking for some kind of direction from God. I am looking for a plan. But most of all I am looking for peace.