Mother's Day

Today is Mother's day.  A number of folks have sent text or greeted me with "Happy Mother's Day."  I appreciate the sentiment but I need to be honest.  "Happy" is typically not how I feel on Mother's Day.  I blame it on marketing and media who promote the day.   Mother's day is promoted by pictures of adoring children with their mothers, husbands helping children surprise Mom, as well as elaborate gifts of flowers or jewelry being given from grown children to their mothers.  The images that marketing companies use to promote the day are filled with smiles, bright colors, and peace.  I find this contradictory to my own experience.  On Mother's day, I tend to simply cry and feel sad.

My very first mother's day with  Peter, just a a few months after bringing him home to live with me was a nightmare.  There was lots of kicking and screaming and tears.  And pretty much since then, Mother's day has been filled with his acts of rejection.  In addition, there is no dad telling him "be nice to your mother, it's mother's day."  And as for my own mother, my little token gifts seem so insignificant and create feelings of failure at being unable to really show her my appreciation.  Then I think about others as well.  I see mother's who are watching their children suffer for various reasons.  I have friends who so desire to be mothers yet are not.  My friend recently lost her husband and is "celebrating" her first single mother's day.   Every time someone says, Happy Mother's day, I think, "really??"

Okay, so before you start preparing your lecture for me, let me say I am not against Mother's day.  I am so grateful that there is a day that holds me accountable to make sure that my mom knows that I love and appreciate her.  I also really am grateful for people who acknowledge my role as a mother.  It's the "happy" that I have problems with. Being a mother has little to do with being happy.  In my experience, it is painful, sacrificial, intense, consuming and exhausting.  And that often overflows even into the day set aside to celebrate motherhood.  When someone says "happy mother's day," images from the media flash in my head, and my experience just comes up so short.  Then I feel cheated. Sometimes I cry. 

So in case you are thinking this as well, I am not against motherhood either  Motherhood is an extreme honor.  I often thank God for the privilege because it gives me a glimpse of his heart for his children.  For me specifically, being a mother was a calling.  I believed God asked me to be Peter's mother.  I chose to be his mother when he was four years old and motherless.  Daily I experience the frailty of my ability to do the job. Therefore daily I am reminded of my dependence upon God for the role.  And with that I can know joy.  In the midst of the job of mothering, there are times of mommy bliss.  In my personal story they are jewels treasured for their rarity. 

I have come to the end of my rambling and not sure I have a great conclusion.  Now I just have the fear that no one will ever say "Happy Mother's Day" to me again.  Surely that's not what I want.  Maybe we could just start a new trend.  Instead of Happy Mother's Day, maybe we could say something like," Joyous Mother's Day." or "Go Mom Go," or " "Congratulations, you made it through another year without beating your kid."  Or maybe simply "Thank you."

So to all you moms on this day I say, "Thank you for what you do."