Eye Twitches

Okay so I have noticed that my eye gets to twitching sometimes.  It is kind of weird but not really alarming.  Of course being the hypochondriac that I am, I have considered a variety of possible ailments.  But knowing that I am a bit of a hypochondriac, I also am pretty certain that it is none of them.  Comparing eye twitches to my current state of affairs has led me to conclude that they are onset by fatigue and stress. The eye twitching is helpful in that it helps me be more aware of how I am being affected by both of these.  Well today my eye started twitching in a crazy way! Yes I stayed up late and got up early. But it was the news that I received that really got it going.  I learned today that Peter has been accepted into the Military Academy without needing to have an interview.  Wow.  Now I don't have to figure out how to get him to an interview or worry about him sabotaging it.  But now the next step is to apply for financial aid and see what happens.  Being one step closer to the possibility of him actually going caused a whirling of  "what ifs" and anxiety.  Thus my eye was twitching.  It has calmed down as I have prayed and conducted a fair amount of self talk.  Considering it probably won't be the last twitch over this issue I thought I would share with you.  I appreciate prayers for the next step of seeking out scholarship as well as God's confirmation if this is indeed where he is to go.

One person's to-do list, another person's treasure map

So we were playing outside at school today.  A child from another class was running around with a piece of paper in his hand.  He was talking about his Treasure Map and how he was looking for treasure. First I was amused at his imagination and enthusiasm.  Then I thought that treasure map looked somewhat familiar.  I made a comment to my co-work about what he had.  She said that it was a sticky note, someone's list.  I responded with "I think it is my to-do list."  She inquired if I was going to Publix?  Yep, the little fella's treasure map was my to-do list that had evidently fallen out of my pocket.  When asked if I needed to retrieve it, I said no.  So often I never actually look at the to-do list anyway.  Yet having my to-do list become a treasure map made for a good excuse if things went undone.  So I may not have gotten everything needed done today yet I can take heart in knowing that someone else did enthusiastically search for treasure.

Mother's Day

Today is Mother's day.  A number of folks have sent text or greeted me with "Happy Mother's Day."  I appreciate the sentiment but I need to be honest.  "Happy" is typically not how I feel on Mother's Day.  I blame it on marketing and media who promote the day.   Mother's day is promoted by pictures of adoring children with their mothers, husbands helping children surprise Mom, as well as elaborate gifts of flowers or jewelry being given from grown children to their mothers.  The images that marketing companies use to promote the day are filled with smiles, bright colors, and peace.  I find this contradictory to my own experience.  On Mother's day, I tend to simply cry and feel sad.

My very first mother's day with  Peter, just a a few months after bringing him home to live with me was a nightmare.  There was lots of kicking and screaming and tears.  And pretty much since then, Mother's day has been filled with his acts of rejection.  In addition, there is no dad telling him "be nice to your mother, it's mother's day."  And as for my own mother, my little token gifts seem so insignificant and create feelings of failure at being unable to really show her my appreciation.  Then I think about others as well.  I see mother's who are watching their children suffer for various reasons.  I have friends who so desire to be mothers yet are not.  My friend recently lost her husband and is "celebrating" her first single mother's day.   Every time someone says, Happy Mother's day, I think, "really??"

Okay, so before you start preparing your lecture for me, let me say I am not against Mother's day.  I am so grateful that there is a day that holds me accountable to make sure that my mom knows that I love and appreciate her.  I also really am grateful for people who acknowledge my role as a mother.  It's the "happy" that I have problems with. Being a mother has little to do with being happy.  In my experience, it is painful, sacrificial, intense, consuming and exhausting.  And that often overflows even into the day set aside to celebrate motherhood.  When someone says "happy mother's day," images from the media flash in my head, and my experience just comes up so short.  Then I feel cheated. Sometimes I cry. 

So in case you are thinking this as well, I am not against motherhood either  Motherhood is an extreme honor.  I often thank God for the privilege because it gives me a glimpse of his heart for his children.  For me specifically, being a mother was a calling.  I believed God asked me to be Peter's mother.  I chose to be his mother when he was four years old and motherless.  Daily I experience the frailty of my ability to do the job. Therefore daily I am reminded of my dependence upon God for the role.  And with that I can know joy.  In the midst of the job of mothering, there are times of mommy bliss.  In my personal story they are jewels treasured for their rarity. 

I have come to the end of my rambling and not sure I have a great conclusion.  Now I just have the fear that no one will ever say "Happy Mother's Day" to me again.  Surely that's not what I want.  Maybe we could just start a new trend.  Instead of Happy Mother's Day, maybe we could say something like," Joyous Mother's Day." or "Go Mom Go," or " "Congratulations, you made it through another year without beating your kid."  Or maybe simply "Thank you."

So to all you moms on this day I say, "Thank you for what you do."

Spring Time

I know I said I was going to write a weekly post and it has been almost three since I last wrote one.  Blame it on Spring Time.  With Spring comes "end of the school year" projects and reports.  Typically Peter is usually even more high maintenance than usual. For some reason social activities seem to be on the rise during Spring. As a result, I tend to experience "overload" paralysis. Then of course there is the usual "unexpected." (last year I had a kidney stone!)

So these are this year's events that you could call excuses but I will call my blogging "Spring Break."  In addition to trying to explain the absence, I use them as a way of letting you know of things in which you could pray for us.

• Friday May 17 is the last day with kiddos at my school. Before their departure I have paperwork to  organize, 6 training hours to complete, individual scrapbooks to compile, parent gifts to finish, Our Favorite music CD's to put together, thank you gifts to make, plus teach 6 more days to crazy children who know the end is near!  I will work a couple of post plan days the following week and anticipate working mornings throughout the summer in my school's three week summer program as well as at another preschool. 
• I added an extra night to my second job.  I now work at the Family Life Center (a church sponsored, family gym) Tuesday and Friday nights and every other Saturday afternoon.
• I turned in an application for Peter to attend a Military School  2 miles from our home. I am anticipating a call for his interview. He does not want to go nor do I have money for the tuition.  (The tuition is more than I take home in a year.) However, I felt very compelled to investigated it.  There is possibility of scholarship and I think it would be beneficial for Peter if it was to all come together. I decided to just take it one step at a time and see what happens.  Next step is to get him to the interview!
• Meanwhile Peter is training for the 9th grade football team at the local high school.  He attends early morning weight training and afternoon practices. Considering his fondness for camping on the couch the rest of the time, I am grateful for the diversion. And oh yes we are selling coupon books to raise money for football gloves and summer football camp.
• I am running 5K's (actually got a medal a couple of weeks ago.  I placed third in my age division!  I was 3rd out of 3! ) I also have a spot in the Peachtree Road Race, a little 10K (6.4 miles) with about 60,000 participants in Atlanta on July 4th.  After the Boston Marathon incident I keep telling myself I need to make sure I get my will made up before then!  Also bought myself a running ID bracelet.  Doesn't hurt to be prepared!
• Less than two weeks after my parent's return from Hawaii, my brother fell and broke his hip.  He spent 4 days in the hospital and has been in a transition rehab facility since last Saturday.  Fortunately he is not too far from my house.  Mom carries the load of his care but I am trying to make frequent appearances.

That's what's going on in a nutshell.   Hope to have more entertaining post in the near future.  Meanwhile here is a picture of me and my "big win."