Grateful

Personally, there is much I am grateful for.  I spent last weekend with my college friends Tonya and Melissa in Greenville and it was so refreshing! (We missed you, Leanne!) Melissa introduced us to a Reversed Coloring book and  Tonya introduced us to the game "worse case scenario."  I recommend both.  We ate good food and I enjoyed not feeling the push and pull of "responsibility." Before leaving my home Tonya helped me set up an overdue, much-needed budgeting system.  It still feels a bit daunting but I am very excited and hopeful.  There are multiple areas which I am attempting to put some systems and disciplines in place to help me with what sometimes feels like an overwhelming life.  And what doesn't fit into a neat package, I trust God will use for good and give me peace in the chaos. Mom and I finished a puzzle last night and she is off and running into the next one. I am really grateful for my job (in spite of the little tantrum I had Friday about people not doing their jobs.) My house is warm and cozy and I have lots of food options to eat.  I have so much I am grateful for.  My friend Tammy gave me a little meditation book called Growing Grateful by Mary Kassian and it has been such a great daily reminder to purposefully cultivate gratitude and that God is more than worthy of it.

Today's gratitude devotion focused on the greatness of God.  I am indeed grateful for it, especially in the drama of Peter's life and my role in it.  I am glad God is greater than the situation and has the power to do beyond what I can imagine because honestly it still feels pretty messy.  I had not heard from Peter in over a week.  He called today.  He lost use of the Ipad that he would call me on because he wasn't complying with his medication.  I think another inmate let him borrow one today.  He said he feels better off of the meds.  And honestly, he sounded better and seemed good.  But we have been this route before. And without medication, things go south. It sounds like there has been a conversation about the group home and he has signed something.  My guess is it is a release of information so that the group home can get information.  Peter said he talked with his lawyer who said he was trying to get him out and was supposed to be calling me.  Because of Hippa laws, I can't be told much.  So I encouraged Peter that if he wanted me to know stuff he would need to ask about signing release forms that allowed people to tell me things.  He said he was willing for some meds but not the ones they were giving him.  

I am feeling a bit anxious this evening over Peter and all the current happenings. There is a heaviness regarind the SSI (whether he is still getting it) the debt collectors calling over past medical bills, the whole situation with Peter's medication, whats next, and as always my role in it.  Thank you for continuing to pray for Peter regarding meds, a place to land and all the nitty gritty of the paperwork and finances, etc.  Pray that I know what to do and when.  That is always the hard part for me.  And as always we pray for light to enter Peter's dark world.

Thank you

Sweet and Sour

 Real quick want to share a little update.  

The sweet is that last week I learned that the leadership of my church agreed to encourage me by agreeing to help financially for a minimum of 6 months if Peter can get into the NAMI Central Georgia group home.  Their willingness makes this group home something that can really be considered.  I am grateful to God for anwering this big ask.  I am overwhelmed by the kindness of my church.

The not so sweet side is that after not hearing from Peter for 10 days I reached out to my contact at the jail. She made some inquiries and today I received a call from Peter today.  Both Jeannie and Peter told me he had lost his password for the Ipad.  But Peter also referred to having been suicidal one day,  he thinks the medication made him worse, and he is not taking the medication anymore.  I have sent e-mails to inquire  and have not heard back. Of course this raises many concerns.

I also learned today that the agency here that was to be sending forms to the Group Home to get things rolling, dropped the ball.  The group home contacted me today as they had not ever received the forms.  I know there are a lot of people in need and Peter is just one, but he is my one. So I am a bit discouraged at what feels like set backs today.  Thank you for praying that they can find a medicine Peter is willing to take, is effective and is available to him. Thank you for praying for the people helping Peter, and that processes that need to get done will. And as always most importantly I pray that Peter will see Jesus' love for him in the midst of all of this. 

Wheels Turning

After many months of nothing, it does feel like wheels are beginning to roll a bit regarding Peter. Destination is still unknown yet here is a little bit of what has been happening.

From Christmas through last Friday,  Peter called me daily and talk for fifteen minutes (the alloted time.)  On last Wednesday's call he was pretty agitated, saying he was never gonna get out of jail and they couldn't keep him there. In conversations on Thursday and Friday he was a lot calmer. He did ask me In both of those conversations, if he could live with me again.  I have not heard from him since last Friday. I'm not sure if it is because I continued to say no to him living with me ir because I told him that I unintentionally added money to his ipad account. Maybe he just doesn't need the diversions of my phone call or maybe he figures. there's no need to talk to me if I won't let him live with me. I have emailed him with no response. I'm okay with it.

I did receive a call today from Mary Donna, a nurse who works with Avita community partners. Peters actually been one of their ACT Team clients since July. He wasn't very cooperative and then has spent most of the time since in jai She is working on the what is next for Peter when he is released. Although  their resources are limited, I feel like they have much more knowledge of resources than I do As well as connections needed. I'm so grateful to have folks working on Peter's behalf. 

There are still many unknowns. One option requires a lot more money than Peter's social security income. I am inquiring of sources  for grants or support for this one group home should it become an option?. Mary Donna told me there was another option that might be possible but she did not give me specifics I think so that I wouldn't get my hopes up. My conversation with her today did give me a little bit of hope, mostly relief that it wasn't all up to me to figure it out. Thank you for continuing to pray that God would clearly open the place for Peter to land when he is released. And with that, he would receive and accept the people support that he needs to stay on medication and make progress forward.  Please, also pray that he won't be released until something has been put in place. These ladies who have graciously been communicating with me, are trying to keep that from happening. But I'm told nonetheless it can. 

As always thank you.

Fancy Like New Years

This song isn't new.  I vaguely remember it's fame a few years ago maybe.  But it came across my path a few days ago. The song is Fancy Like by Walker Hayes And then yesterday I discovered that there is a Christmas version, Fancy Like, Christmas by the same country music artist. Currently that song is stuck in my head.  It is a catchy tune but that isn't the reason.  It's because it seemed to be a great theme song for this New Year's Eve and Day Celebration.

On Christmas Eve I went to church in the morning.  I came home and put on my comfy clothes and shuffled around the house all day and evening changing out Christmas for Winter decor and moving things around my house.  I ate some chocolate and most of a summer sausage stick, watched a documentary and went to bed about midnight.  New Years day was more of the same.  I spent a little time at the counseling office cleaning out my stuff as I have decided not to continue child life coaching this coming year.  Made another run to Dollar General for some more After-Christmas- Discounted treasures and pretended to work on my finances.  But then came the big finale.  I went to moms and helped her with some computer stuff before we had dinner.  At mom's request we went to Quick Trip and got hotdogs.  She had one during our travels at Christmas and was craving one.  So with some "healthy" avocado oil fried chips and Tzatziki dip on the side we celebrated the New Year! The whole time we were preparing our QT hot dogs that silly phrase "fancy like" kept circling through my head.  I was internally giggling!

So New Years wasn't the stufff Hallmark movies are made of but it was sweet.  I am especially grateful for the time with my mom.

Peter prayers

So i've talked with peter every day since christmas. He It's definitely in a better headspace. He has his humor. He also cussed the other day and expressed anger over being stuck in jail so I know it's still him. We've talked about some of the things that have happened this  past year.  Some he remembers and some he doesn't. He was expressing frustration the other day over being stuck in jail and said he could punch someone in the face but knew that if he did, he'd just have to stay there longer. I had a good opportunity to talk about it being a really rough year and it was related to his not taking medication. He seemed to ponder that.  He has told me a couple of times that "he has been to Vietnam and back." He's ready to get out and start over. A couple of days  ago he asked me if I prayed for him. I told him YES, me and a bunch of my friends. He asked me who I had told. I told him a few friends, that I had not taken out of billboard or anything. He laughed. He doesn't know about the blog and I want to keep it that way. After that, I asked him if I could pray for him. And he said yes. Yesterday before we got off the phone, he asked me to pray for him. When I got done he said it was a good prayer. Told me there had been an inmate in jail who had prayed for him. But he was gone. Peter said it made him sad.

For the most part Peter sounds like himself, the nicer version of himself. Medication has a way of altering personalities.I don't want it to make him someone he's not. In an early medication trial three years ago, I saw him be super nice and sugary and it really wasn't him. I like who i'm talking to right now and do hope this is sustainable on meds as well as authentic.

So please continue to pray! Of course Peter daily tells me he is ready to get out. We all would be. I don't discuss with him that behind the scenes people are trying to find a place for him to go. Peter asked me to contact his public defender and tell him he would like to talk with him. I did email him today. Of course I don't want Peter and jail for a long time. As well as they aren't gonna be able to hold him much longer if he is of sound mind. But we definitely want Peter to have a safe place to go and resources that Peter is willing to work with. Please also pray he doesn't lose the social security income. That is a possibility with him being incarcerated. Also pray for Peter's willingness to not go out and get a job or try to buy a car, but to take advice. But it doesn't need something meaningful to do. And I pray that he can find that. And pray there will be others besides me that can speak wisdom to him. And of course we pray for his spiritual journey. The other day he said maybe he would still believe at some point. He continues to claim he's not so sure about God.

On behalf of Peter and myself, Thank you so much for Your prayers.