Baby Jesus on the Porch Swing

 Jesus.  Immanuel.  God with us.

Last Christmas I created a simple manager scene in my side yard.  I had some extra crate pieces from gathering such for props at school.  This year I had enough crate pieces remaining to create another simple manager scene in my yard.  I have a thrift store baby doll wrapped in a pillowcase in a pile of hay within the wooden frame with a star above and lights to illuminate it.  For the past month baby Jesus has resided out in the yard.  This year the weather has been pretty mild and I haven't worried much about him.  Last year I occasionally brough him in to dry off because it was so wet and cold.

Christmas Eve day my neighbor said she and her granddaughter walked by my house and saw that baby Jesus had fallen out of the manager.  So little Scottie "wrapped him in his swaddeling clothes and layed him in the manger." Christmas morning I discovered baby Jesus naked in the cold wet grass.  It was raining.  His swaddling clothes were missing.  It is a mystery as to who or what happened.  As a result Christmas morning baby Jesus was rescued, wrapped up in a blanket from the front porch blanket basket and placed on the porch swing.  It is still really wet and rainy here. So he is still there.

Well, I have been thinking. It is so easy to think of "God with us" when we see the baby in the manger throughout December.  But when the creche is put away, I tend to go back to thinking I am on my own and the one who has to "figure it out" and "make it work."  So maybe I will keep baby Jesus in his cozy blanket on the porch swing for awhile as a reminder that "God is with us" even when the Christmas decorations have been put away and the New Year commences.

Christmas Miracles

I confess I have watched too many Halmark christmas movies.  They love to use the phrase "Christmas Miracles."  We know THE Christmas miracle is Jesus but after watching too many Halmark movies one may begin to think Christmas Miracles relate to the local historical building being saved from becoming a high rise condo's or it snows on Christmas Eve. With the mindset I have to say, while opening the mail Christmas Eve, the first thought I had was "oh my, it's a Christmas Miracle!"

In the mail that gathered while I was away ,was mail for Peter from the Social Security office.  It included his acceptance letter for SSI, his newly qualified Medicid card and a check covering back pay for his dissability since his application was made in August.  After being warned it could take a year and he would likely be rejected and have to apply, Peter received SSI after only 4 months without delay.  It does feel pretty miraculous.

The other Christmas Miracle came when after 3 1/2 months (anc a weekend of failed attempts) I finally got to talk with Peter on the phone.  We also got to talk today and he is definetly in a better headspace.  He is ready to get out of jail because he is bored.  All there is to do is sleep and eat.  He said meals were the highlight of the day.  He doesn't seem to realize how bad things were but seems willing to take the medicine.  He is talking about getting out, getting a car, and getting a job.  Today he was telling me what he wanted for Christmas/birthday present.  

These are all good things.  But I wont lie, it has stirred up a lot anxiety about what's next and what I need to do etc.  I am very grateful for Jennie, the Mental Health Liason at the Jail.  She has gone out of her way to help me.  She sent me an e-mail from her home this evening to reassure me when she received an email from me where I was spiraling a bit with anxiety over next steps.  She assured me that Peter's SSI was good news and would help in tfinding him a place to go.  I am so grateful for her position which was created in the last 6 weeks.

Thank you for your prayers regarding the SSI.  We can thank God for answering it. Your prayers for the many next steps are greatly appreciated.  We will look forward to the future miracles regarding PEter's story,

Merry Christmas Eve

Greetings from the South Carolina coast. Mom and I have spent the Yunpast 4 days with our friends, May and Kevin Adams at Litchfield Beach. It has been a delightful time of shell gathering, casual shopping, game playing, puzzle assembling and good eating. The weather has been great, cool but sunny. We are so grateful for me and their inviting us to join them. We are all headed back to our respective homes today.

There has been some activity regarding Peter. He attempted  call me on Friday from the office of my liaison Jeanie at the jail. I missed the call and the voicemail would not go through. I spoke with Jeanie later for some time and that was helpful. I put money on an account so he can call me. However that system currently is glitchy and Peter's attempts to call yesterday did not get through. I was unable to get help on the phone to resolve it. If he can't reach me before Tuesday, Jeanie said she would again try to get him in her office to call me.

Peter is on oral medication and doing better. Jeanie said she even saw him smile when he was in her office. Improvement could lead to the competency test being canceled and an earlier release happening. Although this is good , my continued concern is that he will be released without anywhere to go. My other concern is that there aren't really any obvious options as for a place he can go. I really appreciate Jeanie and her honesty about what could happen as well as her efforts to do whatever she can to help, even though she's limited.

My faith is weak. But the bible says I don't need much. I continue to hope and trust that God will provide in his perfect time. I pray that God will use this time in jail forPeter's  good. That there will be people who show him kindness and the love of God. 

Merry Christmas to you and your family. Thank you so much for being part of our journey.

Peter update Dec 3

I did not talk with Peter on Friday.  My contact, Jeanie said she offered to help him make the phone call but he did not want to.  I am ok with that.  I wanted him to know I knew where he was and that if he wanted to connect,  I was available.  I now know that he knows that. But if he is still in an agitated state, I don't think it would have been beneficial to either of us. Jeanie says that she will offer again as he improves which of course is the hope now that he is taking some medication.

To backtrack a bit.  This past Tuesday after not hearing from anyone in several weeks, I received a call from a lady with the ACT Team.  She and I spoke back in August when Peter showed up on my porch.  She is a nurse with the program Peter was "working with" while on the porch.  A connection had just been made between the mental health liaison and ACT Team.  She called me to see if she could connect me with the Mental Health liaison at the jail, Jeanie. So I had the opportunity to speak with both of them and probably gained more information than I had in 3 months.  There is still quite a bit that I am unclear about but it appears that there are definitely some people working on Peter's behalf.  The process I am told is slow.  Currently the court has ordered a competency test based on his state when he last was to appear in court.  (Evidently the psychosis got pretty bad.)  From my understanding, they won't let him out while that is pending.  And it could take up to a year.  Meanwhile they are working on getting him medication.  I was able to share with Jeanie (who is a nurse) all the meds that he has been on over the past 3 years which I think gives them a head start. There are programs for people in jail upon release but I learned only if it is a felony.  Peter's is a misdemeanor.  So the "what happens after incarceration?" is still a big question.  And how the outcome of the competency test, either way, affect things, I don't know.  I did learn that his disability application will have been stopped because his is incarcerated.  It will have to be started all over.  With new information of course comes new "concerns" I am mentally trying to solve.  There is something to be said about the whole "ignorance is bliss" thing.  

So here are things I am concerned for and appreciate your prayers regarding (in addition to however God leads you.)

• Peter's mental stability - effective medication and his willingness to take it.
• God's kindness and mercy to him in the midst of great mental darkness as well as jail.
• For mental, physical, spiritual healing.
• For Jeanie and his Public Defenders as they work on his behalf.
• A place for him to live as well as people support and advocacy once he is out of jail.
• Financial support - disability etc.
• Wisdom for me in knowing what I am to do - regarding the medical bills and letters from collection agencies, preparing for his future financial needs, etc.

Here are things I thank God for.

• Peter is "safe" and sheltered and fed.
• There are people working on his behalf.  Our city government just instigated this Mental Health Liaison position and put Jeanie in the position to help people like Peter.
• I have had a reprieve from  the stress of the past year with Peter.
• During Peter's incarceration I have been on 2 tripsand many other day events that I have been free to enjoy without constant anticipation of "a phone call."
• Mom and I were not going to do a Christmas beach trip this year because of all the uncertainty with Peter.  However a few weeks ago some friends invited us to go to the beach with them for a few days before Christmas.  Because Peter will be "cared for," we are going to go. We are looking forward to it.
• Mom's health has been good.
• I am grateful for my peaceful little house.
• I have great friends who have been supportive and caring.

It is an interesting season we are in with Peter.  There has been peace in not dealing with him day to day, wondering "is he safe," "what might he do next," and "what should I do?" This is a season where I have not been able to do much and that is a relief. Yet I struggle with the guilt of feeling such relief.  I feel guilty for all my freedoms, comforts and somewhat sound mind  knowing he has none of those. We have gone through his birthday, Thanksgiving and now Christmas and it is sad.  Memories of celebrations past stir up the grief of what is currently lost. Mom and I miss the healthy Peter. As I struggle with my own emotional mental battles I hurt for Peter knowing his mental battle is beyond my comprehension.  And to all of it I simply say JESUS.  God is with us in the midst of all of this.  And that is where my hope lies.

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