A Revision on the Revised

So Peter and I were in the same proximity when I was taking a quick look at my e-mail.  Up popped a copy of my most recent blog post "A Revised Kid" with Peter's picture at the top.  I quickly moved on not needing to read it, when I heard, "hey, what's that?"  I don't think I even had a chance to answer before Peter said "you mean a revised young man or teenager." I lust laughed as I continued on to whatever it was I was looking for on my computer when Peter said, "You are going to change that aren't you?" I assured him that I would make a note that he did not agree with the title but felt that it should be more properly titled "A Revised Young Man."  I don't think he knows that I have a blog but he knew I had written something about him and had labeled him a "kid."  Evidently he wanted to make sure that he was promoted to higher status than that in whatever it was that I had written.

A "Revised" Kid

Many of you have traveled with me and Peter on our family journey and I am so grateful.  I am always in awe of those who tell me that they pray for us daily.  Wow.  My tendency is to talk a lot about what's going on when things are difficult and to become quiet when things are easier.  So the recent quiet can be something to be grateful for.  However for those of you who so kindly ask and fervently pray, let me give you a little snapshot of Peter today at 15 years 2 months and 2 weeks.  Let's begin with this:

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Pretty impressive, huh?  This is Peter's official 9th grade photo for Riverside Military Academy . It is a long way from baggy britches with boxers showing and untied shoes.  Okay - not that we still don't see those red plaid boxers when he is home on weekends, but at least the pants aren't sagging.  Based on conversations with Peter, I think the uniform is a challenge for him - keeping it all in his possession and on his person in the right format. But he carries himself differently in or out of the uniform and it is nice to see.  Peter takes Weight Training, played on the JV football team and currently participates in Wrestling.  He also has chosen not to take ADHD meds that affected his eating and sleeping.  Let's just say, Peter is no longer the little skinny kid.  He isn't towering over me but has passed me and I don't think he is done growing.

Though Peter's school is just a couple of miles from our home, he was not home a lot during the Fall. "Leave" home is dependant on passing grades.  The occasions upon which he was home, I slowly began to see some changes.  Nervous about him being home 9 days at Thanksgiving, I was pleasantly surprised to have "a new kid."  There was no hostility.  He cooperated with what was requested.  He actually went to my parent's house 3 times during the week, more than he had been at their house all year. He laughed and generally seemed "happy." Some of that was helped by Auburn beating Alabama in one of the most incredible football games.  I really enjoyed him being at home.  Peter came home this past Friday for 16 days.  I have decided that I didn't really get a new kid, just the same one with a little more restraint and maybe a little more contentment. He has bugged me about Tablets, has wanted to do little that does not involve a TV or computer, talked me into doing things for him that I said I wouldn't, and gloated to my parents that I  said a cuss word. But in truth that is the kid I want.  The one who has his spark and spunk without the hostility. Last night he made no objection to my sitting on the couch with him to watch The Office.  He actually initiated conversation regarding it.  That would not have happened a year ago.

I am grateful for the difference that RMA has made for Peter this year.  Most of the staff that I have encountered has bent over backwards to help Peter and me as well  Two of the men who have direct authority over Peter, have indicated that they are impressed with him. One of those men has impressed me based on my interaction with him as well as things Peter has said.  It is obvious that Peter has respect for him and he certainly appears worthy of it. RMA provides the male authority, structure, and discipline that I am unable to provide. Repeatedly I thank God for the provision and ask if he would be so willing, to provide for Peter to attend at RMA throughout his High School Career.  

All of that said, I wrestle with the motherly concerns on a regular basis. Peter has made a lot of progress but there is no shortage of things to "worry" about.  And of course I am always concerned about "doing" the right thing as the parent.  You would think that the last 2 plus years of counseling would help me get past trying to be responsible for Peter's outcome. And certainly my counselor has tried!  Oh I think I am doing better than I was but it still can be a struggle to trust God with what he has started and alone can finish.

Well that is where we are as of today.  I am grateful for my "revised" kid.  I am grateful for the things God continually teaches me along the way.  And I am especially grateful for the people who have been supporting us in many ways all these years.

Best Gift Ever!

BEST GIFT EVER!!!!

So that might be a slight exaggeration.  I have probably said something like that before and likely to say it again but at that moment, the delight of my heart cried out "Best Gift Ever!"  I had gone to work at the preschool, anticipating the craziness of the last day before the Christmas holiday and there it was with a big Red bow, my very own blue VW Bus!

You see I have this little "thing" about VW buses.  I have wanted one for years.  I grew up in a VW bug and missed riding around in the family VW bus by less than a year.  The family ownership of that vehicle was short lived and comes with a interesting family story. However for as long as I can remember, I have loved the VW bus.  I remember as a small child camping with my family in our usual fashion, VW bug and a tent. On one particular trip we camped next to a family with a VW bus with the pop up top. They gave us a "tour" and I knew then, I wanted such a classy mode of transportation. At one point in my adult life, I actually considered trading in my little zippy red car for a VW bus.  However friends convinced me that the extra hour it would take me to get to work due to it's speed might not be worth it.  None the less, the thrill of passing such a vehicle has not ceased.  A man somewhere in my neighborhood has a red VW bus and occasionally drives by my house. The sight and sound gives me a thrill every time!

This little passion is not a secret but I must say that I don't think anyone has offered to give me one before. That is until now.  I have a friend who is one of those folks who is gifted about "gifting."  She is thoughtful and creative and comes up with gifts that are so "right on". I think it has something to do with her quietness and her keen sense of observation.  I knew that as Christmas drew near, she would have some thoughtful gift.   But this - this was too much!  I couldn't stop grinning and telling my friends about my very own VW Bus.  I even let some of my friends take it for a spin.  I am still grinning now as I see it parked at my house.   It represents a longing fulfilled.  It is also about having a friend that really gets me. This was a gesture so dear.

I have been thinking about this today.  At Christmas there is a lot of energy put into giving gifts.  Often this is done to fulfill a sense of obligation or expectation.  We give the gift card so that person can get what they want.  We give the gift we want because well we can't imagine that they would want anything else. We give anything just to say "we gave a gift." No matter the gift or even it's particular motivation it is always nice to be the recipient of a gift. And all kinds of gifts communicate love and appreciation. But there is nothing like the gift that says "I know you. I want to delight you.  I want to share in the joy of your heart."  

I believe that is what God offers us.  Everyday He gives us gifts that say, "I know you. I want to delight you. I want to share my joy with you."  But I know I so often miss it.  I am so worried about what I will "give him" in an effort to repay or fulfill my sense of obligation to Him. I am often so consumed with guilt and shame that I don't "give Him enough nor do enough" such that I miss His daily gifts.  For example, today I do not have to go into work until  3 pm. I have this day at home. I know this is a gift as I love being at home during the day to putz about the house and just take care of home stuff.  But there is also this nagging fear that I might be wasting time when I should be doing something else more meaningful or important.  There is this guilt of all the stuff I haven't done yet and think I should have. There is self hatred that I stayed up reading too late and thus slept in too late. Those feelings can so easily overshadow the gift and the giver of "my morning at home." Oh that I might be able to daily see the gift and shout "best gift ever!" May I not miss the gift and the Giver who takes delight in giving me the delights of my heart.  May you today see the gift that he is giving you and enjoy your "best gift ever!"

Yesterday's BEST GIFT EVER!!!!

  

Blog Fog

If you live in my town you would have experienced some pretty intense fog a couple of times this past week. My view of buildings were blocked by fog all around.  You know the places you normally pass are still there but you just can't see it.  I have realized there has been a little Blog Fog on Looking for Yonder. I have still being journeying to yonder (and mentally writing about it) but you just haven't heard about it because I have been hidden in a fog of busyness. I don't like that word "busy".  People ask me how I am and these days most often I say "busy".  It is true but somehow it seems like an excuse.  Somehow being busy just doesn't seem "right".  But the truth is, there is a lot I have been trying to do or keep up with. Life has been busy. And after a week or two of neglecting my blog, I totally got out of the habit.  Really not that big of loss for the rest of the world, but I do find it helpful in processing life.  So I have been aspiring to bust through the fog.

Recently in my pursuit to not have "being busy" consume my life and drain it of joy and meaning I made a decision to make Sunday's sacred or at least a little more "set apart".  Not really a new idea, I know.  God came up with the idea of a Sabbath (a rest) a long time ago. One of the components to my making Sunday set apart is not to have a written or even mental  "To Do" list on Sundays.  Wow, I have discovered that I am pretty controlled by having a "To Do" list!  Now I can't put writing on my blog on the Sunday "To Do" list because there is no Sunday "To Do" list.  However it is on my mental list of Sunday favorable options. Last week was my first week of this new Sunday endeavor and it was semi- successful.  This week I guess God felt like I might need a little more help.  I have finally admitted that I most likely have a sinus infection. Thus I have allowed myself a low profile today which has involved a lot of couch time.  Even in feeling yucky, I am realizing that I do not find "resting" a very easy or "guilt free" experience.   However since I am trying to stay on the couch, coming out of the Blog Fog seemed like a good option for today.

Well I think I will wrap this up, (kind of feel a nap calling.)  My plan is to stay out of the Blog Fog and in a future entry I will catch up some of the happenings on the way to Yonder. But just in case,  let me say "Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from the Yonder Trail!"